I went outside to smoke a cigarette a little while ago. Even though there's nowhere left on the fucking planet for a person to smoke a cancer stick in peace, there are office buildings that discreetly plant ashtrays around the doorways.

So I'm puffing away, absorbing some sunshine, a little nicotine, some toxic bus fumes, and I notice a group of 3 people also on a cigarette break. Despite the ashtray being a mere 2 feet away from them, the 2 smokers dropped their butts on the ground, mashed them around, then walked away.

I hate people who litter. I know it's NYC and it's dirty and all that, but there's just no fucking excuse to throw trash anywhere but in a proper receptacle. As I'm pondering the rude assholes who were too lazy to take a step to their left, I see Larry, the maintenance guy in my building. He's walking around, sweeping up shit from lazy, disgusting litterbugs.

So I said, "hey, Larry. Lemme ask you something. Does it bug you that there are ashtrays everwhere in front of this building, yet some of these fuckers are too lazy to use them?!"

He shook his head and told me, 'No. Because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have a job.'

Ah, good answer, oh wise one (I was tempted to point out that even if those lazy shits used the ashtray, he'd still have plenty of work to do around the building, but I didn't want to spoil the whole zen moment). He was happy, so, really, why should I care?

Of course the next time I see those people, I might be tempted to explain the functional use of said ashtrays.

You should see me on the subway.