I have come to the conclusion that it is not a good idea for me to attempt enjoying a vacation at home. The thing is I hate traveling. I don’t like airports and I do not find driving for hours at a stretch enjoyable either. Trains bore me. And yet, staying at home has its drawbacks as well, especially when my office is just five minutes away.

LAST HOME VACATION RECAP:

Monday: I get to sleep in today, and would have if I didn’t wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5:45 AM. I eat breakfast and decide to enjoy my morning coffee on the front stoop where I can enjoy the day’s beginning and commune with nature. A wasp buzzes by me and I decide to go inside. I remember that I don’t like nature all that much. I read for a while and then have a nap. I have lunch at my favorite Italian restaurant and return home for another nap. I read until 4:00 PM, realize that it’s 5:00 PM Eastern time, and decide to have a cocktail. I cook dinner – chicken with peaches – and watch TV.

Tuesday: I’m up at 5:45. I put the coffee on and exercise vigorously until 6:00 AM. I have breakfast while watching Don Imus who is nearly always as grouchy as I am at this hour in the morning. I decide to enjoy coffee on the front stoop. There is a reported bee sighting three streets over and I take cover indoors. You can’t be too careful. I drive to the range and shoot my new .38 with which I am quite accurate as long as I don’t aim. I am better at point shooting.
11: 45 – 12: 45: Lunch at a wonderful French Café.
1:30 – 3:45: A brief nap.
4:00 – 5:00: Reading.
I cook dinner – steak and fries – and watch some movies I rented on the way back from the range.

Wednesday: I have a lot to accomplish today. Being on vacation has allowed me the time to devote to domestic duties in the form of yard work. The lawn needs mowing, the trees and bushes need trimming, and there are leaves which have gathered in piles at various locations which need raking up. I roll up my sleeves and write three checks – one for the guy who mows my lawn, one for the guy who trims the trees and bushes, and one for the kid who will rake up the leaves. Exhausted, I decide to have another nap. The phone rings and it’s one of the secretaries asking if I can come in to the office to deal with an emergency. She explains the nature of the emergency and my week long vacation is over.

I think I need to bite the bullet and accept that there’s an airport in any future vacation plans I might have. I’ll only fly first class and so the plan is to find out which airline can get me to a city somewhere near Deadwood, South Dakota. The plan is to fly to that city and have a limo take me to Deadwood. I’ll stay at a nice hotel, enjoy room service, spend a little time at the casinos, have a drink at The Number Ten, and explore the historical district. I’ll walk where Seth Bullock walked. I’ll drink where Calamity Jane drank. I’ll see Wild Bill’s grave, unless it’s too close to nature. I’m not yet sure whether any of this is possible, so stay tuned. Why am I writing this? It’s my blog. I can write anything damn stupid thing I want to, within reason. I just need to remember Al’s warning to Doc Cochran: “Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.”