Ever notice how the internet brings out the crazy people?. I don’t mean the “I saw a UFO” crazy, or the “I’m Elvis’ love child “crazy. I mean the “shit in their pants and don’t change for days” crazy, the “eat a booger, out of someone else’s nose” crazy. And why do these wack-a-loons always find me to play with?

I am nothing unusual, not spectacular, nor even note-worthy even, yet in the short time I have been on the internet, I have inherited not one but two Harpies. For those not familiar with this term I shall elucidate. In Greek mythology, harpies were the daughters of Electra and were nasty foul creatures who tormented their captives, usually by stealing their food and not letting them rest.

Their most famous captive was King Phineus who was never allowed to eat in peace. He would get enough to survive one more day and then would be chased off until the next day, thereby being in constant hunger. It was finally Jason and the Argonauts who rescued Phineus from his fate.

I can sympathize with the old king. For I too have had harpies on my head. The first was a classic, female and bat-shit crazy. She was posing as a male and was a troll of the first caliber. What I referred to as a “Flaming Asshole Troll”. Or simply FAT in texting and Internet acronymology. After her umpteenth copy and paste job I couldn’t take anymore and called her on it. I went as far as Googling her posts, which were never cited, just to find where they came from.

She was a clever one. She would take the second paragraph and make it her first. But Google is relentless. After a few call outs, she came at me with a new persona and a satchel of new tricks. First were the posts with links to Gay websites with names similar to, but not quite, my name. When these didn’t get the desired effect she was hoping for, her next move was to post a picture of her own asshole. I don’t why. She must have thought that the ugliness of it would frighten me off forever. Her’s don’t know me too well does her?

Anyway that action caused her to be banned permanently I think. As it has been over a month and she has not returned. She did try again the next weekend but that too was stopped on Monday with the Admins return. And two was the charm. The Admin was my own Zetes. A rescuer of old King Phineus.

And life was good.

The next spectre to rear its ugly head was a male one. Quite unexpected. He was a poster known to me prior to his transformation into a winged demon. I didn’t like him. He did things that weren’t very kosher and I didn’t trust him at all. How little did I know. What precipitated this shift towards obsession with me I don’t know. A flippant remark? A casual ignore? I may never know.

So he has begun a campaign of harassment aimed directly at me, on these very public boards. First came the insults, questioning my intelligence or credentials. I have addressed this before in another blog. The real world means nothing here. All that counts are the words that you can produce on the page. Looks, money and education are meaningless.

Celaeno, as I will refer to him believes just the opposite and expands a lot of energy trying to convince everyone that he is rich, good looking and legend in his own mind. Not being overly impressed with his questionable credentials, he began his torment of my posting and peace. After the insults came the personal attacks.

On the ‘net, insults are not really as personal as they are in real life. Mostly because you can’t punch a guy out for calling you a “cocksucker” as you can if it happens at your local tavern. So you learn to live with it a gain a splendiferous and powerful vocabulary. Again, only words on a page. But a strong offense is the best defense.

Then of course, came the questions of sexuality proclivities, which coming from a guy really is creepy. Not a gay type creep for Gays do not creep me out. More like the guy who asks about your masturbatory habits so he can wack off to them later type of creep.

But then he stepped it a notch. I was now no longer his only target. This coward would begin to insult my wife. A true man, attack a woman. This got my attention. As anybody who has ever gotten into a “discussion” with a person with an opposing view, there are certain rules and decorum that you observe. One is that you don’t attack innocent people not involved in the discussion. Kind of like the mob doesn’t wack family members. There is a code. Of course “yo mama” jokes do not apply. They, being an art form all unto themselves.

Well, he crossed that threshold, where no real man or woman would go. A sniveling little piece of cowardly shit would go there. And he did. I should have expected it, and have since learned that this harpy, this troll of a being has actually exposed peoples real names over the internet. He has tracked down personal web pages like MySpace or yahoo pages and posted that information as well.

In other words, he has been a total cocksucking fucktard of a human being. A person only safe because he hides behind a monitor screen. Who if he behaved this way at my local tavern, would have found himself hanging upside down from the nearest tree, naked, with a beer bottle shoved up his ass. And his teeth missing.

But being the coward he is he will die his thousand little deaths of humiliation and shame every time he comes online. For now he has been totally exposed for the whole of us to see. Us, the people he comes to interact with, yet he proclaims his disdain for us with every post. The people he tries so hard to impress with feeble attempts at wit and wisdom, and who are never impressed at all.

So now I come to the end of my tale. Hopefully the Boreads will rescue me again from this latest harpy that torments me. If not I can survive. And maybe some day I’ll update this particular blog to tell of the demise of another harpy.