Sometimes I forget my age. I'm not kidding I really do. It's an odd thing that happens. I'll not look in the mirror for any reason all evening or night and then I wake up and immediately brush my teeth! Those damn mirrors everyone has over the bathroom sinks! Seriously, why? Couldn't the mirror be to the left or the right so you only see it if you WANT to?
All of my life I have looked younger than my age. It was a nice thing, even though when I was very young it could be a pain in the arse. My youngest son has the same problem, he sort of still looks 15 even though he's 24. Well this particular quality stayed with me for a long time, past 50! My mom and dad both were like this. Till their hair became so gray there was no denying their age.
Today, so many people color their gray that one would think there would be no telling most folk's ages right? WRONG!
Anyway, I'm not sure of the exact day I started looking my age but I do. Poor R. no, poor me! See, here is the thing. Age discrimination exists and it sucks. But since I forget, it does more than suck, it is down right mean.
For instance, job hunting. All I want is a little part-time job. I don't have the political connections here in Texas to garner myself a nice little part-time gig on a campaign or in an official's office. So let's see what the other options are.
Retail? OK. At one point in my long life I had some retail experience. I worked in the stock room at Filene's in Boston when I was in college. When I was married I was the receptionist/manager in a beauty salon and sold hair products. My dream job would be owning a small bookstore, the type that barely exists anymore. So..... off to look for a retail job! hmm. Believe it or not I know my limits and I know I'm not 20 anymore so being a Starbucks barista isn't in the works. Barnes and Noble? Borders? maybe. Just have to locate one of those. But yay, there is a Bath and Body Works not far from home. I go in. They are having a sale! YAY. ok I know what you're thinking but I didn't splurge I just got some little things. I do manage to strike up a conversation with the 30ish woman who waits on me. Do you all ever need part time help? Yes! Cool. She hands me an application. I fill it out and leave. Nothing. R suggests being a Walmart greeter. NOOOOOO. That cut to the core. They are all about 80. I will NOT succumb. I search on the internet. Kohl's is looking but not in this area. So is Target, again not this one. Let's calculate. part time gig salary x gas price of 4 bucks. Not a good thing. A florist? I have arranged flowers for a flower shop back in NY. Out I go again. I'm starting to get the feeling that shop owners are thinking can she handle it? So I try not to limp on my bad knee when I walk in the door. Damn.
So here I am at the computer again. Every adult in this household works except me. My sister wives are not pressuring me but I feel they are not happy about it so I try to do a little extra around the house. I volunteer for babysitting duty ALOT. I kind of like it. I write on a freelance website for pennies and fun. No one understands that at all lol. Silly poetry, sad poetry and other stuff. Last night I did a product review for low fat ice cream.... go ahead, you can laugh! I felt productive though so bah! lol
I get a tiny pension that is really enough but I feel this need to get out into the world.
I would like to have some girlfriends. REAL girlfriends that I choose! yes!I'm not quite feeling stifled yet but I can feel it coming. I want to talk about something other than my husband or the kids. Again, poor R, he gets all my intellectual and political leaning stuff/talk etc. You know, this would be a great time in my life to closet away and write a novel. hahaha. That ain't happening any time soon. Try closeting yourself away in a household of 10! So back to the job search I'll go. The local community college must have a personnel office. Sometimes you see little old ladies in offices don't you? Because no amount of makeup is going to hide the lines on this face or the gray pushing itself out of my scalp any time soon. Forget retail. Who wants to be on their feet all day anyway. In the meantime, I'm going to go put a two year old down for a nap and if he doesn't want to do that I'll hold and rock him because I have the time to. And no one else does.
Amen.