Random, but so for real, aspiration of mine: conducting an orchestra. Does that blow your mind, Internet? Me, Margene, in my pajamas (assuming that's ok with the musicians, audience, etc...I do work best in my jamies), baton in hand and all the what not...just bringing the house down in some huge concert hall. Sometimes I practice with a knife and fork when I'm cutting up Lester and Aaron's dinner...usually to that song on the "meat, it's what's for dinner" commercials. I love that song. I'm humming a certain part right now that I wish I could figure out how to write down so you'd know what I'm talking about it...I mean, I'm sure you know what part I'm talking about, but...I wish I could write it out because it's fun to try to write what a sound sounds like...especially music. Bop, bop-bop-bop, bop-bop-bop, bop-bop-bop, bop-bop-bop, BIP! Everyone's got that, right?

Here's a question for you, Internet...if I may. And I think I may because, well...it's the best part about this whole situation we got going on here. You don't really know me that well and I don't really know you all that well, either, so it makes it OK to just come out of nowhere with something like: why do men have to make everything make sense? Like, why does everything have to work out to a: "this happened then this happened then this happened then this happened and that's why it is the way it is from now on"? Whoa. Yeah, I know. That's a little fru-fru-y of a question, but come on. All of us are philosophers sometimes, right? It doesn't take a toga or a bowtie, does it?¹ I do my best contemplating in the bath?or bathroom in general, really, but I've been thinking about it a lot lately and I think it's a question worth thinking about?even if it's only when I'm in the tub or on the toilet (which is more time than you'd like to think about, lately. Gross.) I've been kinda the butt of the family joke lately-mostly from Ben and Bill - for being a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions and it grinds my gears that every little problem I have or moment of frustration I go through (and sometimes make others go through with me), one of them has THE...solutionor so they think. I was a little crabby yesterday afternoon so Bill brought me some water to soak my feet in, which is super sweet, of course. But when I was still kinda crabby, definitely less crabby, but still kinda crabby...like 15 minutes later, he was in total shock. Sore feet = crabby, to him. Do something to help sore feet...no more crabbiness. It ain't that easy. I was crabby for about 5 million reasons yesterday afternoon. ONE of them happened to be that my feet were sore. ONE of them?you see what I'm saying?

Ben's been Captain Current Events lately, which is something that I'm really proud of him for, and he and Bill have been talking all through dinner (and after) about Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, the environment?all the stuff that CNN yaps about all day long (I bet CNN's run by a bunch of fellas, too, of course.) And?it's great, you know. It's really great (and I'm so proud of Bill, too, for really getting into this with Ben lately) when a dad and son talk man talk?you know worldly stuff. It's just...a great thing to witness because you see them talking and listening to one another in a completely different way than they normally do. And they both love it and it's probably made all of us .5% smarter just from exposure to second-hand conversation, but hearing them talk (and I know they're saying informed, educated things)...but hearing them talk, you'd think the world existed on a straight path...and has for all of time. Of course I'm not saying what they're talking about is simple or that they're being "simple-minded" or anything like that, but...I don't know?it seems like they never take into account things "just happening"...randomly)...and so everything has to be tied to something else for it to make any sense or be worth talking about at all.

Maybe I'm way off. I mean, they obviously know more about things in the world than I do...but it's not the details I'm even talking about here. I don't doubt that they know more about what's going on than I do. I'm just talking about the way they talk about stuff. It's all super interesting, but it does seem way too?straight forward (if that's the right phrase for it). Is it really possible that "this caused that which caused that which caused that which caused 9/11"? That doesn't seem possible to me and I think that men really do need, for some reason, to think that way. Why? (Seriously. I'm asking.) And it's obviously not just about history or politics or stuff like that. A guy can't just BE sad. He's sad because...(fill in the blank...but the blank's only got room for one word.) And whatever's in the blank is the one and only reason. That's so weird to me. I guess it's just part of what makes us different, right? Sure. I can take that. Because trying to make sense of it would be to?think like a man. And that's not always a good thing, right?



¹Real quick: You think Bill would wear a bowtie if I got him one for Christmas this year? I kinda want him to. Is that weird? Not dorky, scientist bowtie. But I think he'd look good in a sharp, manly one. The people that mess it up for all bowtie folks are the ones that ONLY wear bowties. Those people are usually pretty uptight and I think they're ruining it for everyone else. Maybe I'll get him a nice, manly, red one. I think he can pull it off?if he ever took it out of the box.