March 2, 2004

I actually had a pretty nice time with Nicki today at the house. She got me laughing with her...sternness. At first, I was in the kitchen and heard her laying into some guy at the credit card company about...whatever it was. She was all: "Of course I'm looking right at the statement-as in, it's in my hands as we speak--and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I did not purchase anything from any furniture store in Graham, North Carolina." At first I was scared to look at her when I heard all this, but it started getting funny to me and when she knew I was kind of giggling at her—in a nice way—she played it up even more. I kinda even started to feel bad for whoever was on the other end of the phone but I'm sure he really didn't care and I bet he gets a lot worse than a riled up housewife from Utah. "Do I sound like someone that’s ever been to Graham, North Carolina, sir?" she asked him like a lawyer in black and white movie. That one really got me. I mean...what does a person that's been to Graham, North Carolina sound like? I'm sure that one stumped him...just in its ridiculousness. "Yes. I would love--just love--if you talked to your supervisor and called me back. I would just love that. Love it. Ok...bye-bye."” She clicked off and just looked at me with this great...little "fuck them" smile. It was perfect. We shared a little giggle before she told me that you have to talk to those kinds of people that way because they're all, more or less, out to get you and they just love taking advantage of women who they trick into paying more than they need to. (I could never talk like that to someone on the phone...even if they were in India or some place. But I know what she's saying.)

Then, once I put the boys down, we watched People's Court together. I'm not sure I like this new lady judge they got doing the show these days, but I do appreciate the fact that they have a real classy portrait of Wapner hanging in that little waiting room outside the court where everyone has to get interviewed after the hearing. This new judge is a little too much like a mom on a sit-com for my taste, but the people in court are as sleazy as they ever were in Wapner's day. This one lady was suing this huge fat guy because the SNAKE that he sold her--the BOAH CONSTRICTER (sp?)* that he sold her, to be precise—died, like, a week after she bought it. "You have GOT to be kidding me," Nicki said when she had a spoonful of peanut butter in her mouth. Then: "I hate people." (When I write it down, it doesn’t sound as funny as it was when she said it, but it was just the way she was saying these things today...I don't know. Maybe she was just in a good mood or something, but she just seemed a little lighter than usual and that made her funny as hell to me. It was great. I had a great time.) And I kinda hate people, too, sometimes. Come on! We all do. People can suck really bad. Meter maids? Terrible people. Unless they're helping you when your car breaks down, tow truck drivers suck really bad. So when you're one of the people Nicki's hating at any one time, it sucks...really bad. But if you're off that list like I was today (for whatever reason), she's a hoot to be around. She has a firm but fair way of meeting new people. Everyone starts off with an F...and they work their way up as time goes on...or they might just stay on an F forever. I mean...it's not exactly the way I hope Wayne and Raymond meet other kids when they start going to pre-school but...still. At least she has a philosophy. She makes you earn it. And I think I might have moved up a grade or two today. At least I hope so. Now she knows I think she's funny, which has to help. And she kinda took me under her wing a little and taught me some stuff about taking care of things and being in the real world and everything. It was nice. It was a nice day. I think I'm probably up to, like, a...C-...so that's awesome.


*It's "Boa Constrictor", but I'm not too embarrassed I couldn't spell that one...now I use the online dictionary, which is the bomb...