Something's gotta give, Internet. I gotta get back in control of my situation
1. I'm tired. I'm tired of being...I don't know. I'm tired. Fed up, a little. A lot. It doesn't matter. You're either fed up or your not. And I am. I be! I gotta start looking inward. The waters of the world - of this world - are too choppy to just float along without being in charge of where your boat's going. I'm taking the helm.
I feel like a piece of dirt for even thinking about myself now because I do and should feel so badly for Joey. I wish we were closer and I could do more. He's a good man. I know that. I wish I knew Kathy better, too. She was a sweet woman who was way too young. Obviously. And when it happened. Geez. He's gonna need a lot of help from Bill. Barb, too. I think she could really help Bill help Joey through this.
I really do wish I could do more on that front. I'll help when I can, but I gotta take command of...me. I AM mad, damn it, on top of whatever else. But the anger, on its own, does no good. I gotta get through that, then I'm gonna never let this...manipulation happen ever again. I'm in control of me. I'm in control of me. I'm in control of me. I'm in control of me...
Nicki's really pulled some wool over some eyes around here lately. Tons of wool. Tons of eyes. And it's really come at a bad time for me, personally. Usually stuff rolls off my back a little easier than it does, say, Barb's - I'm just saying - but the one-two punch of Nicki deliberately not getting pregnant (not to mention her totally avoiding our trying to help her through that issue) AND her, totally insanely, using my name to help her do whatever it is she thinks she's doing for her dad...ALL that on top of my mom and all THAT...I just feel like I've been kicked in the gut and I can't catch my breath anymore. Most of the time, I'm a big believer in, "just give it some time and things will work themselves out." But, I feel like I need to get cracking on me now and I'm the only one that's gonna do the heavy lifting. It seems like it's bootstrap time for me. (How many more phrases like that can I use? you ask. I got millions.) It's gotta be all me, right? I mean, I'm not trying to sound all dramatic or anything, but this is a venting blog entry, though, OK? Lay off. There are certain times when you gotta be in control of you (see: rant at end of previous paragraph). I need to do what I can to make ME happy. My feelings are hurt by Nicki and I really do wonder what's going on in her head right now, but she's gonna have to figure her own crap out. I can't take myself out of the family, and don't want to, of course, but other people, at least for a little while, have to take a backseat to what I need to do to get right again. You've been saying that all along, Internet. It just took some time for it to soak in.
So, I'm off. Challenged by my goal to take more of an investment in me. Putting the ME back in Margene.
Sincerely,
MargE...ne
2
*****************************************************************
1This brings me to my one bit of funny for this post. "Situation." Does anyone else love it in those acne commercials when Puff Daddy says the cream or mask or scrub or whatever helps "moisturize his situation?" That might be the best phrasing I've ever heard.
2I thought long and hard about what to do with that second E. I decided to leave it. Don't hate.
. I love that you took control in getting Anna in the family circle, give up the jewelry making and become a PI. Now getting Anna back would be the best thing to happen, although this time it should be Anna's choice of where she wants to live I think all the pulling of her in different living directions is what caused the most turmoil. Being put with Nikkei was definately a HUGE NO NO!! Bill should have seen that coming from a mile away. As for Nikkei being around much longer I have a hunch she is going to date her boss Ray behind everyone's backs to see if a normal marriage is what she is after. I think she is seriously doubting all her beliefs in polygamy, plus she seems to be lacking in the emotional needs of a woman at home and Ray gave her a taste of it, that not all outsiders are bad. My opinions but hey the story lines have to be going some place out of the box to keep the show interesting. I see Alby learning that Bill is not all bad and may help him to over throw Roman, though it will be a battle 
hey, marge this is your friend and after reading just about everyone's post> I wanted to tell you that you're right you do need to start thinking about you and even though you're married in to marriage with 2 other women that doesn't mean for you to be a doorknob and take on other's misery and pain. "You, are Bill's wife and that needs to be taken in to consideration. "And, as for Nikkei, she has over stepped her boundaries and basically said in all of your faces that she has no respect for bill nor you are barb. She, went behind her own husband's back and knowing how Bill feels about Roman she still did what she wanted despite of how her husband feels about Roman or Juniper Creek. And, to go and take Birth-Control she basically made her mind up and that was to do what she wants to do regardless how you and Barb feels about it. I, truly feel that you Marge, should go to Bill and Barb not just Bill and let them both know what Nikkei is doing to them both because it effects not just them but you too. You, all are married in one not have and have. Marge, if you don't tell Bill and Barb everything is going to go uphill and crazy and everything would be direct to you and you will be at a loss. Because, then you will have to pick sides and that is something that shouldn't have to be put in the middle to do. So, sweetie if I was you. Then, you really need to put Nikkei on the table and what ever you do Bill needs to know that Nikkei is fooling around with the one lawyer that Bill confides in to put Roman down and he really needs to know that Nikkei is not there for him,Barb & You she is there to keep tabs on Bill and to have her father give his approval that she is his daughter, she is basically thinking of getting some kind of respect from her father and mother for them not to banish her are to make her as the rest of the women on the Jupiter Creek. But, let truth be told if that's the case then her own father wouldn't have his daughter Nikkei marry a man that was twice his age. and knowing that his daughter Nikkei was way to young to marry an old very old man. Nikkei, has some emotional problems because of her marrying a man that was way to old for her and the feelings she have for her father she doesn't have for Bill. If, you want peace in you as well as your marriage you need to bring and put everything out on the table! And, Marge things will as they always do get better in time. And, you are right you do need to start thinking about what do Marge want does she want a life where people look over her or does she want a life where people will respect her and look up to her. The, choice is yours Marge. 
