Me: Hey, Bill.
Bill: Hey there, my dear. How you?
Me: Good. For those of you can't see - and that's everyone - we're in the backyard and I'm sitting next to the way-too-cold-to-get-into pool while my Bill...well, my Bill...he's a-workin'.
Bill: It's what I do.
Me: We had some crazy wind last night.
Bill: Blew upwards of 85 mile an hour gusts...all night.
Me: It was all night. Gosh, it was loud. And the end result is a whole bunch of limbs that couldn't hang on, as hard as they might have tried. And because no one else will...and Ben's still asleep...
Bill: What's new?
Me: And since it's early and no one else will, Bill's picking up the mess. It's what he does. And that's why we love him.
Bill: Were you scared last night, Margene?
Me: I was.
Bill: You miss me?
Me: Course.
Bill: That's my girl.
Me: That's your girl. And before you ask, yes, you look cute doing yard wok. But that'd be the last question you get to ask. I'm running this show.
Bill: Yes, ma'am.
Me: Yes, ma'am, is right.
Bill: Look at you.
Me: Look at me. So...what's it like having three wives?
Bill: Margie-
Me: He's stopped picking up twigs. He's looking at me with a smirk.
Bill: Stop it. I don't smirk. What do you mean by that question anyway? You know what it's like for me...I mean...
Me: Bill, have I ever asked you that question before?
Bill: I guess not, but-
Me: I'm not trying to drag you over the coals, baby, I'm just...I just wanna ask you some about stuff that we all know about, but we never really talk about it. You're not on trial, I promise.
Bill: Better not be. Not if you're the prosecutor.
Me: You're not. Promise. Though I would be an awesome prosecutor.
Bill: I don't doubt it.
Me: So?
Bill: It's...it's...great. Come on. You know that.
Me: I know it's great for me? I am...me. I already know what I think. What's fun about this...for me...is that I might be able to convince you to let me know what you think about a few things...if you want me to, I mean. If you will...
Bill: I will. I'll try.
Me: Thank you.
Bill: It's...regarding your question...it's...the opposite of simple. It's as complex as possible, in fact.
Me: And that's a-
Bill: That's a great thing. I mean - now, I know we're not "on the record" or anything...
Me: Yes, we are. We're rolling here, baby.
Bill: Well, then, I do want to say, before I go pontificating about this, that and the other, that I all I know is what I know. I guess I have to plead the fifth a little bit because I really don't want anything I say to be construed as judgmental or self-righteous. All I know is what I know...about me. About my life. And, regarding your question, that complexity I mentioned...I love it and I wonder what it's like for people who think things are simple. Because there are few things about this world that I know with more certainty than the fact that it'll be as complicated as you can ever imagine. More so, in fact. And I'm here - we're all here - to confront that complexity. And while I get the upmost satisfaction through my marriages, on top of the spiritual components that I don't necessarily need to get into, there are a lot of times when I consider my marriages as a microcosm for the rest of the world. It reminds me that there isn't a person without a point of view. That, in and of itself, is complicated. But it's so important to be reminded of that, I think. It's so easy to think you're the only person any and everyone else should care about.
Me: That's interesting. How does having three wives make you feel?
Bill: Proud.
Me: That you have three women fawning all-
Bill: Of course not. Don't say that. It makes me proud that we have a...pride. Pardon the pun.
Me: I love puns. What about our love?
Bill: Our Love - capital L - is the foundation we know will never erode.
Me: And--
Bill: And it bonds us. It unites us with an unthinkably strong connection. We have a...team. We're not just floating down the river.
Me: We have a raft!
Bill: Maybe we're swimming upstream, but we have a goal.
Me: How would you describe that goal?
Bill: That might be best for another recording session, Margie. I mean...I like being interviewed, but if it's to spell out my...or our spiritual journey, I'd just as soon not be hatcheting wood.
Me: What's your favorite color?
Bill: Wow. That was a quick transition.
Me: You asked for it.
Bill: Blue.
Me: I was hoping you'd say that.
Bill: Why's th-
Me: What'd you wanna be on the first day of fifth grade?
Bill: Fireman. No doubt about it.
Me: You always seem like you need two more hours in every day. What would you do with the two extra hours if each day had twenty-six?
Bill: Geez...um. I'd fill them up and probably want four more. I wish I could honestly say I'd use them exclusively to rest, relax, and be with you gals and the kids. But I can't honestly say that's how I'd see it playing out.
Me: I don't either. You're a do-er.
Bill: Do you hate it?
Me: I told you. I ask the questions.
Bill: Do you hate it? Tell me.
Me: I love it. It's how you are. I love you.
Bill: I love you, too. So much.
Me: Flattery gets you no- well, it gets you some places, but...be vain for a second.
Bill: I'll try...
Me: What's your favorite part of your body?and, of course, keep it G-rated.
Bill: Margie!
Me: You know what I mean! Now spill it. Time's running out.
Bill: There's a time limit?
Me: Spill it!
Bill: I kinda like the veins in my arms. When I'm carrying something or whatever...
Me: I love those, too. I've told Nicki that.
Bill: She like 'em, too?
Me: Umm, yeah. I can't totally remember what got us talking about that, but, yeah...she said she liked them too.
Bill: Ha! Yeah.
Me: Do you think you'd be a businessman, no matter what time in history you lived?
Bill: If there was business to do, yes, I think I'd be doing it. If all I knew was hunting and feeding my family, then that's what I'd be doing. Farming and hunting, if need be. Providing. But, yes. I think I'm a - speaking of vanity - a natural businessman. I'd love to be around when trains were the big business. I think that'd be so exciting...connecting parts of the country that no one could have imagined being connected a half generation earlier.
Me: You'd look great in a top hat.
Bill: Why, thank you, Margie.
Me: No, thank you, Bill. I appreciate you indulging me and doing this.
Bill: Thank you for pushing us all to do it. It's kinda fun. Plus, we'll be in stitches when we listen to ourselves in 20 years.
Me: Exactly.
Bill: Someone needs to interview you, though.
Me: Um...we can talk about that...after this session is over. Which is...now. No. No one's interviewing me.
Bill: Me and Sarah. We'll interview you. She keeps saying she likes this idea so much.
Me: We'll talk about it. But don't hold your breath.
Bill: Never do.
Me: You're Superman.
Bill [striking a ridiculous pose, fists on hips]: I am Superman. Hardly.
Me: You are! I love you!
Bill: Love you, too...again.
Me: Never too many times.
Bill: I know.
Me: Thanks, Bill. My Bill. Don't mess with my Bill. Thank you.
Bill: Thank you, Margie. Will you go get a big trash bag for me? One from the garage?
Me: Sure.
