You think Life's given you a basket just big enough to carry all the everything you're supposed to carry. You think this a lot, whenever...at whatever age or phase you're in at the moment. When you're four, having to eat your peas THEN having to take a bath seems like too much to bear. In tenth grade, you can't believe you have to deal with Chemistry and Trevor Singletary all the time, at the same time. You think, "I couldn't handle one more thing if I had to. I'm all booked up over here. No room for anything else. No mas. No mas, por favor."
But, of course, there's almost always...mas. I think we all know that. I mean, that's something you learn fairly early on - you fight with it all your life, but you know it's the truth pretty early on - and you think that's that. But there's another part of it...a part that I didn't really appreciate until very recently. It's not like Life simply gives you more crap to carry in your basket and says, like a New Yorker that doesn't give a hoot about you at all, "deal with it," while your basket stays the same size the whole time. It's not like that. Your basket's been getting bigger this whole time, too...without you even knowing it. Only at the important times do you realize it. It sounds so silly, I know. Don't make fun of me. I'm just happy to really be seeing that happen with us recently. We've been through a lot of messes recently and I'm so happy that I think all of our baskets have gotten big enough to handle all that we're carrying...and on top of that, our Family Basket has grown bigger than any of us ever thought it could. Even if we all had to endure a lot...a WHOLE lot...make a lot of mistakes...say a lot of "I'm sorries"...cry a lot of tears...allow for a lot of forgiveness...deal with a lot of disappointment...process a lot of regret, remorse and resentment...we can handle it! Somehow, we can. Even if we thought we couldn't take one more step with all this...stuff to deal with. It's amazing, really. So, so much...everything. So, so much.
BUT...this isn't the end. That's important for me to remember.
There's still a whole lot to be sorted out. Tonight, Bill really stepped up to the plate and gave us what we all needed not just for the moment, but from now on: unity. I should capitalize it: Unity. It's not perfect Unity...that might be a total myth. But he told us, in a really great way, that we're not "them" or "them" or "them." We are "us." He urged us to see that and appreciate it, and I think we all have...thanks to him. I've been lying awake for hours now thinking about it. I love that man like crazy. Good head on them there shoulders, I tell ya! Big heart, too. I love him. I'm so thankful for him. But I don't want to get too gushy - even though I am - because there's a lot of loose ends that will be being worked out in the near future, I'm sure. Tons. Things aren't perfect around here right now. I know that. But tonight was a pretty great change in course, and even if things take a while to settle back down, I think we're in a better place starting tonight than we've been in a good, long while...loose ends and all.
We're all in different places but, again, this isn't the end of anything. That's comforting because I have a new sense that we can handle all this stuff. I don't have any doubts that there are trials and tribulations ahead for all of us...(and all of you, too, Internet. There's no beginning or end to any of...this...for any of us. Deal with that.
1 Nicki and Bill have a ton to work out. An absolute ton. I know that and am not delusional enough to think that that won't be one of the hardest things they've ever done in their lives. But they're closer. Barb's connection to her old church is over, but she's put faith in Bill and all of us. She's closer. Sarah's looking at her life as her own. She's been through way more than a girl her age should have to. She's starting to figure things out for herself, though. It's gonna be hard, no doubt about it. But she's...closer. I want to be the businesswoman I know I can be. I'm not there yet. But I'm closer.
See the pattern? We're all closer, I think (hope)...to where we need to be. We've been given more, and I think we can carry it. If we share the weight, I know we can.
Alrighty then, Internet. I gotta get some sleep. But don't worry. I'm not leaving you high and dry. I'll be hollering at you again soon.
Margie.
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1I have faith your basket's been growing, too, though, Internet. You'll pull through.
