I don't know who this Damien Hirst guy is, but apparently he's rich and famous and weird and British, and also, I'm pretty sure he stole an idea of mine. Yes, his dots are in straighter lines and a little bit more colorful, but his painting "LSD" (druggie...typical) looks a heck of a lot like a picture I drew three and whatever years ago during some serious down time as an employee at Home Plus. I used every color high lighter I could get my hands on; used a quarter to draw a bunch of circles on a piece of construction paper, and colored them all in with different colored high lighter. I called it "germ farm" and the end result looked a lot like, this:

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Except his sold for, like...17 million dollars and mine, I'm pretty sure, got ripped down the second I stopped working at Home Plus. I had a coworker named Cheryl who would always complain that my picture made her feel like she was getting sick just because the name of the thing was "germ farm". Man that grinded my gears. I'm pretty sure she never felt well because she was like 300 pounds and smoked two packs a day. She didn't think so, though. It was my picture. Little did she know how valuable it actually was...

There are only 435 people living in Martin, Michigan. 435. Martin, Michigan. That's a great name for a town with only 435 people in it. I wonder if I wrote them all a letter (or maybe wrote one letter and sent it to everyone), they'd consider renaming it Margene, Michigan. I mean, if Martin is, like, some pioneer or explorer who settled the town or something important like that, keep it Martin. But if Martin was some big wig who just happened to be rich long enough, I think maybe it's time for a change. And that's what's great about a town so teeny-tiny. Only 435 people! They can make some changes if they want to. That's pretty cool. 435! There might be more people in Juniper Creek. (Gosh, I wonder if Juniper Creek is on wikipedia. I'm scared to look. If it's up there, I bet Adaleen wrote it.) If I could get one person from Martin, Michigan to read this blog (writing this blog more often might help with that) and he tells 20 people about this blog... then, like, a pretty big portion of Martin, Michigan will know who I am. Maybe that'll help get the ball rolling. I'd settle for an intersection or maybe a stoplight. Does Martin even have a stoplight? Do towns even dedicate stoplights? Who cares? This is Martin, Michigan. PEOPLE OF MARTIN, MICHIGAN: ANY INTEREST IN BEING THE SISTER COMMUNITY OF LINDA VISTA LANE and naming your first (or next) stoplight "The Margene Memorial Stoplight"? Or just change the name of your entire town? Let me know. Believe it or not, I do read the responses my fans and haters throw at me. Call me!

Moldova is a country, but it sounds like a body part you're not supposed to let strangers touch or see.

I have a... third (?) cousin named Jon F. Kenedy. No "H" in the first name. Only one "N" in the last name. And the "F" stood for "Flip". I only saw him three or four times but... why would you do that to a child?

It's probably because I've been pregnant for... forever now, but lately I'm feeling very... punchy. Agitated. Kinda snappy... I don't know. I have a short fuse recently. I hate that. I was at... (OK, don't say anything... I know how bad this is without anyone pointing it out... I was at a Lowes the other day. Don't give me any guff about it, it was right on my way and I remembered I had to get light bulbs... it was, literally, the next building I passed. So I went in.) Anyway, I was at Lowes and the woman in front of me had no idea what she wanted. She had 45 things in her cart, but she was only gonna get, like, 5 things. But she brought all these different brands and sizes of the 5 things she was getting — why is it so hard to buy a padlock? — and she kept asking the cashier for advice on which brand and size to buy. And color! She asked what color of cabinet handle the cashier thought she should get. Are you kidding me? So, I had to wait in line behind this lady and all I wanted to do was be in bed... in the dark (funny, since I was buying light bulbs) and just hear nothing. I wanted to be deaf, almost... so I didn't have to hear this woman talk. And I felt bad about that. But, man, I totally felt it... to my bones. It was one of those feelings that you feel sooo hard that you feel it... like, on and in your body. I was just mad. I didn't really want to be deaf, of course, but this woman was annoying me so deeply I wanted to snap my fingers and be listening to that noise that's just... noise... that you only hear late at night. Nothing specific, but everything together... it's silent, but you can hear it, you know? You'll hear a car passing every once in a while or whatever, but really it's just what "nothing" sounds like. I was praying to be able to hear that nothing when this lady was yapping. When it was all over — when she finally got her 5 useless, random things — I was kinda proud of myself for not blowing up at her. I played that scene out in my head, but couldn't come up with any good version, so I guess I'm actually happy the way it turned out. But, man. She was grinding my gears, people. And really, all she was doing was shopping. A woman shopping made me dream of living in a cave and never talking to anyone again. That's probably not a good thing. I really want to not be pregnant. Seriously. And I still gotta a while...

Finally, just because it's on my mind, obviously, I just went ahead and typed it in: "Pregnancy". I halfway expected it to just be picture after picture of me. But, it's not. I'm learning some great lingo no one uses, though. A woman that's never been pregnant (that ain't me) is called "nulliparous". Who knew? Maybe if I read all the stuff that's here, Nell will finally just pop out...maybe I can make her as sick of being in there as I am hosting her...probably not, though. She loves it in there. I can tell. My uterus is exactly where she wants to be, and who can blame her? And in the mean time, I ask you this: in the picture on the right, what in the world is this woman wearing? Are those pistol holsters or is it a stripper outfit...either way, those dangly things seem out of place...thoughts?

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