This afternoon, I got yelled at by my mom for not having the baby yet. She yelled at me. Me: The person carrying the baby! What the heck is up with that mess, huh? I mean?are you kidding me? Especially her. Besides the fact that someone her age's last motherly duty is to help and be nice to her daughter during pregnancy (I don't need an allowance or a ride to the mall), that woman, in particular, has no right to be snappy with me about one darn thing.

"Well I can't imagine what you're doing to hold onto that baby so long, Margene, but if I were you--"

("If I were you"?!?! If she was me, I'd be drenched in vodka right now, living in Roswell or worse with a ventriloquist best friend a bad history with pyramid schemes. Come on!)

She went on: "If I were you, I'd be real careful and think real hard about having that baby real soon."

Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard. Thinking. Real. Hard.

Still no baby. Imagine that, Mom. But I thought real hard, and I mean REAL hard. I don't know what could have happened. Maybe that's not how it works. Maybe it's not about thinking real ha?whoa, what was that?I just?my water just broke?OH MY GOSH!! OH MY GOSH!!!

JUST KIDDING. GOTCHA.

Come on, folks. Even if I did start having the baby right now, I wouldn't tell you because that would make her ridiculous advice-think real hard-actually have some credibility and I'll go to my grave before I admit that "mama knows best" about anything. (I hope I'm not coming off too rotten about her. I love her and can normally take all her crap, but that one got me today, and I'm still a little riled up about it. Thank you for putting up with me complaining, Internet. You're good people.)

Still digging the Weber stuff, so that's good...even though Nicki keeps asking me what it's like not to be a "real woman" any more (funny, since I'm the pregnant one...AGAIN.) I Pretty much worked all week last week, and even a little on Saturday. Thursday I thought I was going to be off, but Bill called me on my cell phone while I was at the mall (getting a scalp massage, of all things) and told me he'd pay me time and a half if I could do the phones last minute...which, of course I said "OK" to, even though I should have asked for straight up double time. And then for a few hours on Saturday, and now today. I love getting a paycheck. I always wish it was more, though. I need to work on being less greedy. But I guess it's good I like to work now. Wanna secret? When I work for Weber? Bill makes sure I get child care from Nicki or Barb or Sarah or Ben, even! I know!!! How amazing is that? Give me a good honest hour of work over child care any day of the week. And when Nell finally bursts forth in all her glory? A week's maternity leave will be all that I need. Unless it is Caesarian, in which case I'll take two. And sneak a couple of Percodans. No harm no foul. You know what I mean?

Today, someone put me on hold for 37 minutes. Can you believe that? I've already done my "no one has manners" rant (maybe twice), but, even though it was just a fluke, it was amazing. Watched a full Jeps (which is what I call "Jeopardy!" for some reason, beffy...that was a very reasonable question on your part), and listened to their "on hold" music - Bryan Adams' "Summer of '69" - 11 times in a row...which probably helps explain my extremely weak performance in Final Jeopardy...John McEnroe? That was terrible. But this guy, who I was calling back, by the way, put me on hold, forgot all about me, went to lunch, came back, remembered, then got back on the line. It was actually pretty satisfying to have waited it all out. And we giggled about it when he finally got back in his office and realized I was still holding...

"You gotta lot of patience in you, young lady," he said. "Sure am sorry about that."

He was cute. I pictured him looking like Andy Griffith with a mustache.

I've noticed that when I'm actually talking on the phone, I walk around a lot, or, at bare minimum, I stand up. I wonder why that is. I don't know if it's a new thing or what, but I can't just plop down and yap anymore?at least not Weber yapping, that is. I was on a call with a company in American Fork this morning and stared, for at least 15 minutes, at this cat cleaning itself on the sidewalk in front of my house. It looked tubby enough to be someone's house cat, but also kind of had that attitude that only strays have...I don't know. But I was pacing back and forth in the front room, saw it out of the corner of my eye, and then couldn't watch it until it finally decided it was clean enough and walked off. No idea why. I guess it might speak, somewhat, to the overall lack of personal charisma on the part of Cheeky Swanson in American Fork , but something about this cat had me captivated. It had a great wattle that flapped back and forth when it walked. (Have I told yall how much I respect a good wattle? It's my favorite part of a cat. Neck fat is my favorite dog attribute.) I was impressed he or she didn't give a hoot about what was going on around it. Cars, bikes, people?nothing. It just kept on licking until s/he was done. One funny thing happened when Pam was doing her morning walk and came up on the cat. She didn't know I was watching, of course, but I had to giggle when she all of sudden saw the cat in front of her, harmlessly cleaning itself, and she just froze in her tracks the way you would if you saw a snake ahead of you on a trail or something. She looked terrified. I don't know if she's allergic to cats or what...or if she had some traumatic experience with a random cat when she was a little girl, but she gave the cat with the great wattle a wide berth - walking way up onto my lawn to get by - before continuing on down the sidewalk and looking back a couple of times to see if it was stalking her...it wasn't. It was hilarious. I want to ask her about it, but I think she might get self-conscious or think I watch her every move. You get it, Internet. You can appreciate the comedy in watching people do funny stuff when they think no one's watching. But I guess, deep down, it is a little weird: me, at home, mid-day, watching a cat on my sidewalk, in my nightgown, and I see Pam doing something quirky. It's probably tough to bring that up with her: "Hey, Pam! So, I was staring at you the other day, and..."

That might make her think I'm weird. But now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure she already does. Maybe I'll just call and see what her deal is with cats...maybe I will! And ask her to THINK REAL HARD about it.