What's Nuclear?
Ahmadinejad spoke at the UN. He said Iran only needed nuclear power for peaceful purposes, and to defend itself from Phil Spector... In other international news: According to a transcript of a 2003 meeting between President Bush and the Prime Minister of Spain, Bush knew Saddam was willing to go into exile. Which was why Bush had already asked the Pentagon for plans to invade "Exile." ? All Saddam wanted was to keep a billion dollars. Making him the only billionaire Bush never made richer.

Strange Bedfellows
At the Democratic debate in New Hampshire, John Edwards, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama all said they couldn't ensure that U.S. forces would be out of Iraq by the end of their term in 2013. And later the Democratic Congress voted to change the party's official mascot from a donkey to a deer frozen in the headlights... Bill Clinton said this week that although they were the same age, when he first ran for President he was a lot more experienced than Barack Obama. He also said that unlike Obama, he was "black enough." ? On the GOP side: In that Minneapolis Airport restroom made infamous by Larry Craig, they installed new stalls where the dividers go all the way to the floor to try and discourage sexual activity. But the dividers may have just made it more fun because, now, instead of foot tapping, you hear, "Bachelor number one, if I was a popsicle?"

Presidents Say The Darndest Things
At a "No Child Left Behind" event with a bunch of teachers and fourth graders, President Bush, our "education president," the one who once asked, "Is our children learning?" said, and I quote, "Childrens do learn." What has to happen before we fit him for a helmet?

Crime Shame
Phil Spector, OJ Simpson, and Robert Blake have been banned from Las Vegas because apparently they can't lose.
? After being released, Spector said he was looking forward to munching on a celebratory hot dog at Pink's on La Brea Avenue. Now, there's a switch: Phil Spector putting something lethal into his own mouth.... Speaking of weirdos on trial, polygamist Warren Jeffs was found guilty of pressuring a 14-year-old girl to marry her cousin?The minister said, "You may kiss the bride," and the bride said, "Yuck, cooties!"