Ok I'm a tad worried about the guys, it's like 2 or 3 songs per episode and so if they have like you know 12 songs, they will run out of them real soon aye.

So I figured the short answer is to write them some song lyrics meself and after hyperventilating for a minute or two and tapping into my brain randomiser I decided to write a song for them about political incorrectness. So here goes: ( you have to make up the music in your head)

Song title: "I'm a mutant albino genetic recessive global minority"

( it is all sung unless it has "spoken" beside it)
J: "Ohhhhh I'mmmmm aaaaa mutant albino genetic recessive global minority" ( sung fast) "I'm a mutant albino genetic recessive global minorityyyy" ( gets ready to sing line again when Bret interrupts with music still playing)
B: "you mean you're white?" ( spoken)
J: (looks dumbstruck and forgets where he is) "well yeah"
B: "well why didn't you just sing that"
J: "well because I didn't want to be discriminatory"
B : ( shrugs and keeps playing guitar)
J: ok well, ( keeps singing) "Some of us are chronologically chaaaalleeeenggged but I'm a mutant al -"
B: What do you mean "chronologically challenged"? do you mean we're like "old"?
J: well yeah
B: ( B looks scornful but keeps playing, J looks sidewise and keeps singing)
J: "but I'm a mutant albino genetic recessive global minorityyyyyy" ( strum strum) "second verse" ( B looks sceptical) " this is the year 6030 CE"
B: "CE - Common Era"
J: "yeah"
B: "what happened to BC and AD?"
J: "those are abbreviations that discriminate against other faiths"
B: "oh yes"
J: "Common Era sounds like a common error, like a mistake"
B: "it's like a punctuation mark in history"
J: " truuue"
B: "Well I saw a career change opportunity comin ma wayyyy "
B: "he got sacked" ( spoken)
J: "and I decided to speak ta ma boss who was a wimminnnn"
B: "wimminnnn" ( echoes)
J: "and she said "this office is full of genderism" "
B: "sexism" ( spoken)
J: "and you're the chief penile imperialistic ruleerrrr"
B: "doesn't need explaining" ( spoken)
J: "but I said "there's too much handism hereeee"
B: "discrimination against left handed people"( spoken)
J: and she was like "wherrreeee"
B: ( looks askance)
J: and I was like "hereee"
B: he forgot the words ( spoken aside)
J: I did not
B: did so
J: ( sings) just becauuuse your name starts with B and mine starts with J does not give you licence to be alphabetistic
B: (sings) or tistic
J: (sings) or any other kind of dipstick
B: ( sings) where were you
J: (sings) in my song
B: (sings) well get on with it then
J: (sings) oh yeahhh
J: "so I said "I can't work here, there is tooo much scentism" "
B: "he forgot to wear deodorant to the office"
J: "did not"
B: "did sooooo"
( bar of strum while J looks around)
J: ( sings) "so anyway, I decided the place needed less albeism"
B: "they discriminate in favour of able-bodied people"
J: "so I made her a counter-factual proposition"
B: "he lied"
J: "well she was femstruating"
B: "menustrating"
J: "she had a judgemental lapse"
B: ( spoken) "what she committed a white-collar crime?"
J: "no, she decided not to go out with me"
B: "Oh"
J: "so now I have a non-job with negative cash flow"
B: "He's broke"
J: "but my life is charm free!"
B: "It's boring and dull"
J: "well at least I'm not in a custody suite"
B: "a police cell"
J: "and so feel sorry for me, cos I'm a mutant albino genetic recessive global minorityyyyyy" (ends in two loud strums)
B: "he's whiiiiite" ( sung softly with rallentando)

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Edited by Guavablue at 06/28/2007 9:30 PM

Wow I lost a week somewhere, it was the mindless data of property software that spun me into that particular timewarp I think, oh and I have been doing long days, with the evenings spent playing piano for singers rehearsing for competitions this weekend.

Nah wait, that's not my main excuse. My main excuse is that I stayed up watching the Americas Cup in Valencia. Each race starts about 1am NZ time and dozed during the day when I was "at work" and didn't make it into "here" ( aghh). I am not sure how 5 kiwis sailing in Alinghi (the "Swiss" yacht with a total crew of 12) and 12 kiwis sailing on Team New Zealand are able to have a true competition that is nationalistic. The way I see it which ever boat wins the best of the 9 races, New Zealand comes out the winner. Of course pulling the Cup home to New Zealand will increase our GDP once again as the richest in the world flock here to watch it in 3-4 years time.

Actually no, that's not my main excuse either for not writing my daily blog for the last week. My main excuse is that I am taking action!! yes!!! I am taking action and boycotting the site!!! yes!!!

why?

Because I can't see past Episode 1 of FOTC! *sobs*

We don't have the show broadcasting in New Zealand yet *sobs* and I can't access HBO On Demand! *Sobs* I have emailed HBO but did they reply ? No!

*sobs*

That's TERRIBLE ( after all I am the HBO "fanbase" here in New Zealand aint I? huh?

So....I am boycotting the site til at least tomorrow, so there.

*flounces out*

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Edited by Guavablue at 06/27/2007 6:23 PM

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Edited by Guavablue at 06/27/2007 6:24 PM

Today we had a stormish type wind sweep across the Tasman from the direction of Australia and dumped a bit of rain and cold on us for most of the day. Think it must be the coldest day so far this winter. Had the fire going all day which is rather luffly.

I mumbled into the office, hoping to slip past others but got spotted and then roped in to sort out computers and find people's missing passwords and sort out why their emails were "self deleting". sigh. I think people need to do basic "how to use a computer" courses if they are going to go drive them all over their businesses. Made it to my desk, turned on the air con which has a heat pump and waited for the room to warm up. It didn't warm up...well it must have cos people who came in the door said "hey it's nice and warm in here", but it was very cold to me. So I shrugged my jacket and scarf back on and focused on processing credit card payments that had stacked up, need to get the money in the tin. Rang Rog in Australia "how's it doin?" "yup" "gud", then focussed back on doing web critiques. Unbelievable how many very professional minded companies can't speel when they build their websites. What's with that?

I twiddled around a bit not really settling into any solid project, then suddenly remembered I was rehearsing with a singer at 2pm, so roared home in time to meet him. Had prewarned Phil and Jono that there would be "live Schubert and Vaughan Williams" being broadcast around the house from the lounge, so they could counter any anti feelings they might have and either disappear out the door or disappear into their burrows ( aka rooms) for the duration. We powered through some dark song by Vaughan Williams and finished up with the Shubert. I must learn my music sometime, it's a bit naughty sightreading it every time we rehearse but hey what can I do when I live in a house with rock and rap and blues fans who choke on classical? Maybe an electronic keyboard so I can wear headphones, yup that would be gud.

Rang my sister, it's been a while and she seems to be out when I phone her. She was out. So I texted here "oi hey I am texting you to say hi". She was "yup I am out". That should suffice until next month when we wave at each other again.

Cooked corned beef, macaroni cheese and peas. The guys seem quite happy to serve themselves rather than me dish it out with cries of "you gave me too much". Seriously. I thought men and food are, you know like magnets.

Spent the evening in front of the fire, analysising 250 pages of data with 17 regions, 240 areas and 2227 suburbs around NZ to integrate a site database into new software. Found we had not printed out chunks of New Zealand so left it to watch Letterman and write emails.

Have just found and watched Mel's first VLOG. Hilarious. Why wasn't her name in the credits of the show? She has wonderful timing and is possibly the funniest character.

Last year I tried to perfect the lame joke, but I think I failed. My flatmates can't help but have their mouth twitch with amusement while rolling their eyes at my latest attempt. It's an art form, indeed it is. The lame joke I mean.

Talking of lame I saw a herd of llamas while driving back from Rotorua on Sunday afternoon, after driving through from Mangakino and picking up my friend Pam from the airport. I was late, due to painting madly up until the last minute possible, and it put me at Rotorua Airport about 10 minutes after her plane landed. She was alone in the terminal, elegantly sitting in the arrival lounge, still the same Pam I have known for nearly 15 years. It's been 18 months since we last caught up and so I drove home through the backroad to Tauranga along the lake and past the llama farm coming down into Tauranga as the sun was setting. Not sure where the llama market is....export? Meat? llama "wool" ? Interesting. Anyway, we went out to the Crown and Badger for a pub meal and caught up on all the hot mumble that's makes up our lives. Mostly we fell into the deep discussion we usually end up having that goes beyond "how's so and so" and gets into what we really think about life and the universe so to speak. I should make the airnz.com grabaseat site my homepage so I can pick up the cheap $39 flights down to Wellington and go spend a few weekends catching up with her and my other friends.

Today Phil is working on his design for building a teepee, complete with painted deer and built according to the traditional american indian designs. Not sure if he plans to set this up on the back lawn, complete with fire inside...I suspect this is the plan. Warren my other flatmate ( I have 3 flatmates) is at his job at the Mount ( Mount Maunganui), working in a timber yard...and Jono who is getting married in 3 weeks, is quite relaxed and NOT turning into bridezilla, he is off doing his counselling degree today. He is so organised and tidy...in fact I live in a house with very tidy flatmates, which is not easy given that I am a hoarder and messy.

Am off now to write some technical information for a medical company ....New Zealand has just regulated it's natural therapies industry with every "dietary supplement" or nutraceutical needing to be registered. Great opposition from those in the industry who see their profit margins going, but I think it's great - it will kick out the snake medicines and leave the legitimate quality products that have solid lab testing behind them.

So, ok why choose the Flight of the Conchords site to finally put my blog. I had something somewhere at blogpost(?)and started something on myspace but hey I'm evolving.

Today I had to contend with one of my flatmates Phil singing around the house "I'm a great big pumpkin pie, I'm a great big pumpkin pie". He has just arrived over about 3 months ago from Perth where he was living and became part of a brazilian street percussion band and now is mad keen to start a band here ( www.sambanistas.com). Apparently "I'm a great big pumpkin pie" is one of the common rhythms used. I might start singing "hungry hungry hippooooo" over and over just to edge out the pumpkin pie song. Anyway, there seems to be a ground swell of interest starting from people who he met at some seminar last week for making drums out of old drum sets and forming a street band. Being a piano player I'm not sure how I would fit in.

Another flatmate is getting married in two weeks, and I'm a bit concerned about his "loveplant", a tiny topiary in a pot which is looking a bit sad It was given to him and his fiance as an engagement present and it's now sitting outside his room on the deck looking a tad dry. I did a sterling job of talking to it and spraying it with water mist while he was away but now it's looking a bit ...well it looks like it's cold out there on the deck. I hope it's not one of those "sign" thingies. Phil thinks it might be but I was "nah".

It's a bit "brrr" today, as it's winter here. I am in the Bay of Plenty in the North Island and it's not as cold here as my sisters place in the South Island where it was -8.6 degrees celsius last night. Must ask her if it's snowing there yet.

The Dalai Lama is around, I think he was in Auckland yesterday and due to fly down to Wellington today. I wonder if when he was 2 he "knew" he was the incarnation of buddhas compassion or whatever it is meant to be, it sounds a bit like "Being John Malkovitch to me". I wonder if Tibet is on the internet and has posted info about this kinda thing. It would have been a bit awkward if he had turned out to be dislexic or stuttered, especially as he is expected to speak to groups of 10,000 or so people. I used to think they selected them similar to choosing the pope but apparently the lama choosers come up with some clues kind of like a treasure map (blue jade symbolising a village to the north of a remote valley behind the back of wherever...etc) Somehow they just "knew" it was this 2 year old who grew up to be the Dalai Lama we see today. Why does guidance like this have to be in the form of vague clues? Why can't it be "ok he's at 32 East Street, Main Capital City, Tibet, sitting in a cot wailing his head off at the moment". I asked Phil about this. Surely "the universe" can speak English, right? which led off into a whole discussion about how the koran was dictated by some angel to Mohammed word for word but the Bible was written by humans engaging with God. Anyway, it seems our Prime Minister, Helen Clark, has managed to not offend China by "accidentally" being in the Koru Lounge ( expensive business class traveller lounge for non-commoners and you have to join it like joining an exlcusive club) of the airport at the same time as the Lama was travelling through. I can imagine the conversation "oh what a coincidence! How wonderful that we should accidentally bump into each other while travelling in different directions, it's almost as though someone planned it" thus getting out of having to "not" have an official visit and losing all our great trade with China. What a clever woman.

ok my soup's ready, today I am making chicken and vege soup and it's delicishimo. I use a basic soup stock and add in chopped celery, chopped carrots, chopped onion, grated potato and a piece of chicken. Let it simmer for an hour or so and it's now thick and very yumpshish.

ok I'm back from soup sipping. It was great.

The next show I am "in" is "Jaques Brel is Alive and Well in Paris". I am ( of course) playing piano and will try and talk my sister into doing the show with me so we have two pianos going. Bob Addison ( the MIGHTY BOB ADDISON! is directing YAY) There are 4 singers but they're not important haw haw ( kidding). We have found a local old church with rustic wooden floor and can set it up as a Parisian cafe complete with wine and bread I guess. errr wine and bread should keep the pastor happy yes? Anyway, we can only use the venue Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights as it's used for a bible study group on Tuesdays and church on Sundays. Dems da brakes.

I am in the middle of writing my book "Rodeo on Lake Dunstan". Am up to the scene ( so ok it might be a movie too) where the main character has found the homeless guy and he's got arrested and put on home detention by the judge..... I guess it's no wonder I rather like The Flight of the Conchords...it strikes a chord, indeed it does.

Just saw the local council have $31,000 to dish out to community organisations and individuals for projects that will benefit the community. Must tell Phil. Maybe he can apply for money to set up a community brazilian street musician band, that could be of great benefit to the community *looks bland* cept of course we are in New Zealand so it would have to be a New Zealian street percussion band and we could incorporate the Maori haka.

And for those interested in all things New Zealand, check out www.grubit.co.nz - invented by 2 12 year old boys from Taupo, New Zealand, it grubs thistles. ( Is that a kiwi term?)

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Edited by Guavablue at 06/17/2007 7:56 PM

Well, first of all HBO don't recognise New Zealand email addresses - mine is a dotcodotnz ( .co.nz) and if anyone wants to write to me, write to Rosalie.Crawford@xtra.co.nz. I couldn't join until I had put in a hotmail address.

Then I had to put in a zip code, so I put in my New Zealand one which is 3030. HBO wouldn't recognise that - I had to put in a 5 digit code...I made up a few but they were not "real" USA zip codes and it spat them back at me ( How was I ever going to get on the Conchords community fan club site on HBO and were other New Zealanders finding the same challenge?) .....so in the end I googled and found the New York 5 digit zip code and put that in and hey presto only another couple of hoops to jump through so I could register on this site....

Then I had to put in my phone number.....after finding that it wouldn't accept a New Zealand phone number I went to the FBI site ( www.fbi.com) and chose their phone number and yahoooo it worked and I finally was able to register on this site.

Apologies for having to make up contact details as per the above, but what other option did I have?

Now I can read the messageboards and enjoy other people's thoughts and comments about the show! Yeehaa!