Here's the story so far...
Re: Withers' Mansion
Posted: Jun 20, 2007 12:11 AM (336 of 341)
...meanwhile
*in the wet part of the back yard, a little tetrigidae named Herman makes his way towards the mansion. It's a long journey but Herman can do it, despite his inferiority complex. *
meanwhile...
*Herman the Tetrigidae barely avoids getting eaten by a rabbit and takes cover under a mossy rock. Herman finds this to be just humiliating. Such is the life of poor Herman, always getting picked on, always on the run. Herman often daydreams of what it would be like to be alot bigger, but he knows he'll always be small little Herman the Tetrigidae. Once the rabbit gives up, Herman leaves the safety under the rock and begins again his journey...*
...Meanwhile
*Herman stands at the window’s precipice with his suicide note tucked between his pronotum and prosternum, looking at what appears to be a frighteningly long way down. The last eight hours of his life have been lousy, just lousy. First, there was getting stuck in the feces blob. While most insects don’t have a problem with feces, Herman does. He suspects maybe being stuck in the body of an insect who hates poo might actually be punishment for something he did in a past life. Then there was that abominable cat. FOUR HOURS he was stuck playing “bug-swat” with this obsessive feline from hell. Well that might have been fun for the cat, but not Herman. Not even a little bit. For Herman it was absolutely terrifying. Then there was the disappointingly long climb up to the window. Last month when Herman was sure he saw God walk past the window from the far end of the yard, the climb to the window looked easy. Not the case. And now that he’s finally made it up there, the disappointment is even worse. Rather than the Holy Grail he expected to find, all Herman can see in the house is a few moldy chairs, an old wind-up style phonograph, a stack of hooters coasters and a brown suitcase. Not even any sign of anything which might cause that bright green glow like he kept seeing before. Herman can’t stand it anymore. He’s decided just to end it. Herman looks down again. All there is left to do now is jump...*
…meanwhile
*Herman finally gets up the nerve to do it and jumps...*
*plop...*
*The peculiar thing about Herman is his “patchy” intelligence. For example, Herman seems to have a perfect understanding of quantum physics, yet can not at all grasp Newton’s laws of motion. He totally gets the Theory of Relativity, but the formula, momentum = mass times velocity makes no sense to him at all. If it were not for this, Herman would have realized before the jump that the impact with the ground would not come even close to killing him. This shortcoming is also what leads Herman to mistakenly believe he has died when he plops into the little puddle of slightly glowing green goo which had oozed out the back window of Old Man Wither’s mansion about two weeks ago. This green ooze now seeps into Herman’s tiny brain as he sinks to the bottom of the little puddle. Little Herman finally falls asleep, not realizing that he is now glowing slightly greenish himself and his tiny brain is now generating about 5000 kW of freakish plasmatic star-trek-like energy….*
Re: The Heart of Gold
Posted: Jun 20, 2007 10:15 PM (203 of 207)
Report
…just when we thought it was complicated enough
*A depressed tetrigidae named Herman materializes out of nowhere not too far away from the Further Urges.. The last thing Herman can remember was taking a suicidal plunge off a window, and being terrified at the idea that probably no one would ever read his suicide note. Herman is very confused and disoriented at suddenly appearing somewhere in outer space, too confused even to realize that his dimensions are now roughly 4,000 km long by 600 km wide. If he did realize this, he might understand that he is now too large to actually “fit” on any planet since 4000 km is almost the diameter of the moon.
By comparison the Further Urges is only 400 meters in length, which might explain why Captain Ziggy is now terrified at this monster filling his view-screen, which is now actually pulling the Further Urges closer since Herman now has his own gravity field. Captain Ziggy becomes even more terrified when Herman starts wailing about in panic since Herman has just now assumed that this vast emptiness around him is probably hell. Herman does not even notice his rear leg thrash the Further Urges with enough force to bat it away at warp 4, severely dent it’s hull, and cause enough structural damage to render it space junk.*
As the Further Urges spins out of control Captain Billy, fighting against the centrifugal forces at play reaches out with his left hand and presses the big black R button on his console. A tiny small orb pops out the back end of the ship. It is no more than 5 cm across. With a logo so small no one could see it with a 1000x magnifying glass.
The crippled ship flies through several rings of a neighboring planet and begins to burn up in the atmosphere of the planet.
Meanwhile, the tiny orb is beginning to expand. The logo is becoming more visible. The Black orb is growing bigger and bigger. Herman is not even noticing the growing orb. He will be sorry.
*Most of Crew is crying*
*Several are trying to mount Cadet Mary for one last screw*
*Rabbits and surfers are getting really high before the big bang*
Suddenly, Bunnea lunges and hits the improbability drive Big Red Button. The Further Urges immediately changes to a broken tricycle then shifts to broken window and finally disappears. Leave it to a six-foot rabbit to make a situation more complex than it already was.
At just the moment that the Further Urges popped out of space the scout ship Indecent Proposals entered that quadrant and had just registered them on their forward scanners.
At this exact moment in time and space Herman is not having a good day. First there was the botched suicide attempt. Once he realized the ramifications of his act, he no longer wanted to die. Unfortunately for him, it was too late. The tiny orb had now reached critical mass and the logo was clearly visible for miles.
Black Flag Insecticide
Industrial Strength
Chip Winkerson and co-pilot Sandy Bergerson looked at each other and then looked back at the forward viewer. “It was just there.” Said Chip.
“I saw it”, replied Sandy. “But what the hell is that?”
Herman turned to see the now giant orb begin to spray a green gaseous substance into the void of space. Pushed by the propellant inside the orb the noxious gas headed straight toward Herman. He had just the amount of time to think to himself, “What is tha……”.
And he was dead.
--
...but actually he's not dead, Herman will be a lot harder to kill than that....
