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Hi,
I love Big Love but this is my first time posting on the board. The Hendricksons really work as a family and are loving, caring and an over all healthy family unit.
Polygamy has always interested me but its not something that you can really find alot information about....except for one sided judgemental information. After reading a few threads I have noticed there are seemingly a few active polygamists who are very happy and I thought perhaps you wouldn't mind if I asked a few questions.
How did you know polygamy is/was right for you? How do you find eachother? Does it start Monogomous or is polygamy the goal from the start and how do you know who to approach....where do you find the new wives? Is your life secretive? Do you have a schedule like "Bill's" wives do? Do all the kids call you "mom" or just your biological children? Is jealousy ever an issue? If you attend church, what do the other church members think? Does anyone live on a compound? How do you make friends....do you say to another couple why don't you and your husband have dinner with me and my husband and 2 wives? What is it like for the children? Do their friends know,understand and accept your lifestyle? Do the wives work outside the home? Do you all have seperate homes(the wives I mean) and if so how do you afford it and do you live really close to each other?
Excuse all the questions, I am very open minded and I just want to learn more. I hope that I do not sound stupid or ignorant, its just I've never had a chance to ask these questions to someone who could give an answer based on experience not theory.
Thanks!
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(55 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 23, 2008 8:41 AM
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How did you know polygamy is/was right for you?
I had been fascinated by polygamy my entire life, but I actually assumed it wasn't right for me. When I met my family, it was through mutual friends and I was a young adult. I figured I'd try it out and gain some experience, I didn't think 5 years later I'd still be here. But, we are a family now.
Is your life secretive?
Somewhat. His family all knows, as do mine. We are open with all our friends. Professionally we are more conservative, and that's where you could say we are "closeted"
Do you have a schedule like "Bill's" wives do?
Nope. We all take the philosophy that people feel the feelings they feel on their own and you can't schedule it. It's like the "affair" in BL... it's natural to have times of reconnecting and times of distance. We just do what feels natural. I think this avoids people feeling ownership over each other,too.
Do all the kids call you "mom" or just your biological children?
Kids call bio mom, "Mommy" and me by my name. They do say that they have two moms though, and I get a card on mother's day.
Is jealousy ever an issue?
Of course, but it's more minor an issue than you might think.
If you attend church, what do the other church members think? n/a
Does anyone live on a compound? Nope
How do you make friends....do you say to another couple why don't you and your husband have dinner with me and my husband and 2 wives?
We rarely meet friends who don't already know our friends in some way, so usually this is a non issue. We go as a family to events and get to know people, and people who aren't comfortable don't approach.
What is it like for the children? Do their friends know,understand and accept your lifestyle?
Our kids do have friends who know. The school knows too. Overall people take it well. I'm sure they encounter some negativity, but people who are actually friends are supportive We won't force them to be open about it as they get older,it's their choice to make.
Do the wives work outside the home?
We all have jobs. Until recently I was a stay at home parent, but the baby is a bit older now and we have lots of mouths to feed.
Do you all have seperate homes(the wives I mean) and if so how do you afford it and do you live really close to each other?
We all live together.
--
She makes love just like a woman ... But she breaks just like a little girl.
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678
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(54 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 19, 2008 11:59 AM
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Welcome to the boards pluralmom! I just checked out your blog and love it! Thank you for sharing your life with us! I hope you enjoy your time here with us!
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252
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(53 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 16, 2008 6:10 PM
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I started reading your blog, and love it so far!
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(52 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 16, 2008 9:02 AM
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I was just headed here to mention my new blog post.
Thanks for the kind words. 
I recognize that as a secular polygamist, I cannot speak to the experience of FLDS women. But I can say that I know of some Mormon polygamists who are neither repressed or unhappy with the lifestyle. They are modern, educated, and from what I hear, they have normal, happy families.
I am sure there are also some FLDS people who do live in fear. As I'm sure there are monogamist Christians, Jews, and Atheists who control their wives and abuse their families. It's a fact of life in any walk of life.
I appreciate, though, that with the recent media covereage (however biased), it concerns many well-meaning people who want nothing more than to liberate women and children that they think are being mistreated. And that is a noble impluse.
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www.distelfinkfarm.blogspot.com
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(51 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 16, 2008 8:33 AM
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Thanks for calling our attention to pluralmom's site, chloe. You're right, it's very insightful.
I want to add here that some of the questions that seem strange to her are the result of the publicity about FLDS. People who have left have said that the FLDS culture is all about fear.
Pluralmom has made it clear that she has no association with FLDS or any other religion that believes in plural marriage. She simply came to terms with a situation in a way that makes sense to her.
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Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. - Goethe
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(50 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 16, 2008 8:10 AM
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Pluralmom has given us her website address and I strongly recommend you pay it a visit if you haven't already done so! She's just added a post which addresses her feelings about the questions/reactions she's received from all of us about her lifestyle.
Her website is beautifully designed and insightful and includes links to other sites that give us an opportunity to learn about non Mormon polygamy.
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Edited by chloe15 at 06/16/2008 5:14 AM PDT
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(49 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 11:25 PM
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how did you feel about your best friend falling in love with your husband - if my best friend did this I believe I would have felt like it was the ultimate betrayal. did they start their "relationship" before telling you or were you in on the knowledge from teh begining?
I knew that my husband liked her a lot. But it didn't bother me, partly because I thought he didn't stand a chance! lol It took two years for them to be open about their feelings for one another and by then I had sensed it for a long time and had time to acclimate. I knew that she was no threat- she had absolutely no desire to "steal" my husband or break up my family- she just hoped she could be a part of it. I was given the option of saying no, but I thought it was worth the risk of seeing where it could go. And I'm glad we took that risk. I am happier now than before, to be honest. I enjoy having her around.
did you guys have any type of "commitment" ceremony?
they had a private thing, but I think it would be nice to have a ceremony for the three of us, maybe invite our families (well, some of them!)
what if your husband falls in love with another woman. how many sister wives are you willing to have?
My sisterwife and I have told Hubby that we are really happy and we don't want to screw things up. No one can promise not to have feelings for anyone else, but we have said that we would MUCH rather not have any new wives. That being said, I personally could see that being okay if it was the right person... but I can't think of anyone perfect enough be worth the gamble of screwing up our current dynamic.
Neither SW nor I care to add another husband to the mix, either.
what about practical matters? insurance for the second wife and any kids she may have?
Kids would be covered for insurance as his biological children. She cannot get on the policy because of the laws. 
school, neighbors, etc? how did your family and his family react to the news?
My blog has posts about that...
since you entered into this without the religious component do you now identify yourself as a mormon or just someone who lives in a "plural marriage?"
We are not mormon or anything else. We are just "Poly." Polygamous, polyamorous, whatever term you want to use. But we use the term polygamous because we consider SW to be another wife, not just a girlfriend, and because she is a permanent member of the family now.
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www.distelfinkfarm.blogspot.com
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13
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7/21/03
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(48 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 7:10 PM
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how did you feel about your best friend falling in love with your husband - if my best friend did this I believe I would have felt like it was the ultimate betrayal. did they start their "relationship" before telling you or were you in on the knowledge from teh begining?
did you guys have any type of "commitment" ceremony?
what if your husband falls in love with another woman. how many sister wives are you willing to have?
what about practical matters? insurance for the second wife and any kids she may have? school, neighbors, etc? how did your family and his family react to the news? since you entered into this without the religious component do you now identify yourself as a mormon or just someone who lives in a "plural marriage?"
thanks for your willingness to be open and honest
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5
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(47 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 12:50 PM
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That's right. I came to polygamy not because or my religious beliefs, but because if seemed the best way to reconcile the fact that my husband was in love with another woman, and also still in love with me.
No one can promise never to fall in love with anyone else, and once I realized that his feelings for her were not a threat to my family, it seemed the natural thing to do to include her in our family.
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www.distelfinkfarm.blogspot.com
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135
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(46 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 10:59 AM
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So the decision to embrace polygamy was not based on religion....just a very objective way of handling a husband who could not promise to be monagamous?
I just read your blog and am so very impressed by your maturity, openness, generosity and obvious love for your family. Not sure I would be able to do the same...
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(45 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 10:16 AM
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what would your husband have done if you were the one to fall in love with his friend?
We have discussed this. He says he would stay with me if I still loved him, but that it would be hard. During the process, I thought that for it to be fair I should be free to date if I wanted to. Hubby agreed that that would only be fair and that I am free to do as I please. But when I thought about it, I realised that I don't *want* to be with anyone else. My sisterwife feels the same way. She and I are adults and we can do as we please. But she and I are both happy with the way things are and are not interested in changing that. Besides, I don't have the time or energy required to maintain another relationship.
do you ever worry about what kind of message you are sending to your children (especially if they are girls)
I am sending the messgae that my love hor my husband is not based on some expectation that he never have feelings for anyone else. My family isn't going to be pulled apart by a natural male impluse. My children have a more stable family because my husband's natural desire for some variety is allowed for and provided in a closed, safe way. It's much better then feigning ignorance about my husband cheating or something (which many woman do).\
I'm teaching my daughter that a woman has the right to find a relationship that works for her and makes her happy. She doesn't have to follow silly social rules. If my daugter is happy in a traditional monogamist marriage, fine. If she's gay, fine. If she is poly-amorous, fine. I'm teaching my daughter that if you love someone enough, you can find a way to be happy with that person, even if it takes some imagination!
did you stay out of love or fear?
Love. The easy thing would be to leave my husband and have him payt me child support and go get on welfare or something. I am young, good-looking, intelligent. I used to earn good money as a model. I don't stay in this marriage because I'm afraid of leaving! I stay because I love my husband, I love my best friend (my sisterwife), and we are very happy. We have a great time raising these kids together, and my children have a better, more stable life than most.
is it working?
Yes, it is. Very well. I'm honestly happier now than before Sisterwife came into the picture. I would be very unhappy to go back to monogamy. Seriously. I live with my husband and a great friend. I have company to cook with, houseclean, chat, help with childcare, even someone to vent with when I'm upset with Hubby. You can't beat it.
www.distelfinkfarm.blogspot.com
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Edited by pluralmom at 06/15/2008 7:22 AM PDT
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(44 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 15, 2008 12:50 AM
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what would your husband have done if you were the one to fall in love with his friend?
do you ever worry about what kind of message you are sending to your children (especially if they are girls)
did you stay out of love or fear?
is it working?
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(43 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
Jun 14, 2008 10:51 PM
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How did you know polygamy is/was right for you?
Polygamy became an option when my husband fell in love with anotjer woman. She was a friend and I'd rather share my husband with her than lose either of them. We get along so well, we decided to give it a shot....
Is your life secretive?
Yes, but not secretive from close friends and family. We just don't tell everyone, because you never know who'll be rude or mean about it.
Do you have a schedule like "Bill's" wives do?
Yes. It eliminates Hubby "choosing" each night, which would entail hurt feelings all the time.
Do all the kids call you "mom" or just your biological children?
So far, only I have biological kids. They call my sisterwife by her name, but sometimes they say "my other Mama."
Is jealousy ever an issue?
Of course, but it's more minor an issue than you might think.
If you attend church, what do the other church members think? n/a
Does anyone live on a compound? No. We aren't FLDS
How do you make friends....do you say to another couple why don't you and your husband have dinner with me and my husband and 2 wives?
Well, we tell new friends if we like them enough to want to hang out often. So far, our friend have all been supportive. But some making new friends is a slow process, because we have to feel them out.
What is it like for the children? Do their friends know,understand and accept your lifestyle?
My kids are very young still.
Do the wives work outside the home?
My sieterwife does, but only a day or two a week. I might when the kids are older, just to get out and do something.
Do you all have seperate homes(the wives I mean) and if so how do you afford it and do you live really close to each other?
No, we share a home.
If you're curious, I have a blog (it's new) at www.distelfinkfarm.blogspot.com
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110
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(42 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
May 26, 2008 12:59 PM
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I too, am interested in geneology and other peoples roots.I myself am a "mutt".I am 25% Danish and my great grandfather ended up marrying the babysitter after his first wife died.My grandmother is the offspring of their union and the youngest child.She is 95 now and the first child born in the US.I am also primarily English and Irish and a sliver a french thrown in.My father's ancestors have allegedly been here since 1620 from England but this is unconfirmed.My ancestor have served in nearly every war .During the civil war I have had ancestors on both in the union and the confederacy.Religiosly we have catholics, lutherans,methodists,baptists and like me Christian but attended non-denominational bible churches.
"I'm just the babysitter!"
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Edited by luvbarb at 05/26/2008 10:04 AM PDT
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(41 of 55)
Re: Curious about a few things...
May 26, 2008 1:06 AM
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> wow. . .I'm really interest in Geneology and get
> really excited with anyone can trace back their
> family. . .I was able to trace back my fathers
> honorary parents to 1882 Brooklyn N.Y. His parents
> from Ireland, names unknown. None left to ask. . .My
> fathers biological family. . .I can trace back his
> grandfather, ancestors to Pre-1700 Sicily. but
> because my father, and his father were both
> illegitimate, there is no tangible proof. . .On his
> bio mothers side, we know they were French fromt he
> south of france, and French Canadian from Quebec. On
> that side there was native american also, I believe
> Iroquis or Alogonquin. . .
>
> But still. . .to most people in my area. . .I am the
> most american they know, as they mostly arrived in
> the 1960's and 1970's.
I cannot take credit for doing the initial leg work; a cousin did that, though I did go back and retrace her work to confirm. There were several factors that made it easier.
1) We stayed in the same state for 400 years!
2) The state was one of the original 13 so census records were readily available.
3) Not only was the state geneological records in Atlanta, where I was, but there also was a Federal site in an Atlanta suburb.
4) And last......My ancestors were very unimaginative when it came to naming their children. I was at the bottom of a long line of men who alternated the first names, Absolom and William. Absolom named his son William who named his son Absolom who named his son William, etc, etc.
So if my ancestors hadn't been stick in the muds who never moved and never came up with new names, it would have been much more difficult! 
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Well-behaved women rarely make history.......... Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
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