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This topic has been archived - replies are not allowed.
Hello, I am a second wife in a 2 wife marriage, my husband had his first wife in 1997 and then me in 2001. He has 4 children with her and we are working on children of our own. We all live under the same roof and sometimes it can be tough, but this show has gotten me through tough times. We don't share the same beliefs as the prophets, we are average christians, and it just worked out this way, my husband does not have the option of a third wife. LOLOLOL that has been agreed by both myself and my sister wife.
I love margene because she is so sweet and doesn't get involved and I love her for that, she's honest and reasonable.
Again thanks for Big Love and getting me through the tough times!!!
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:46 PM
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In no way am i condoning polygamy...But i am no pro either. I think to each his own. I couldn't do it. I am very selfish. My husband is my husband. I am not willing to share. But there are alot of double standards that are not right and still they stand. And alot of women have that sort of self esteem issue. He's too good for me..i have to hold on to him. I can't lose him. Not right but it's the way people feel.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:33 PM
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> The "other woman" syndrome is just one of the things that happen when you try to fit men who are not naturally monogamous into this monogamous society that we arrive in.
What a bunch of nonsense. Every individual has the ability to make choices. Men who believe that they are not naturally monogamous should not get married and willingly make vows to another person that they believe they cannot keep.
A naturally propensity to polygamy should not be used as some sort of sanction to cheat; and if it is being used as such, it's a cop out.
If a man tells me, I don't believe I can be monogamous, but I love you and I want to be with you, then I have the opportunity to make an informed decision about whether or not I want to be with him.
If a man marries me under the guise of monogamy and then secretly goes out and has an affair and then tells me after a year and a half, I'm not giving her up, then he's made decisions about my life that he didn't have the authority to, and that's not something he has the power to do.
He can't make me deal with his "other women" or be okay with him having another relationship because he believes he can't be faithful.
He should find a woman who is okay with that and live happily ever after.
> I also think that a lot of women live with the knowledge that their husband has a long-term mistress. They tacitly condone it. They won't leave so they just pretend that they don't know about it.
Absolutely! Those relationships are just as polygamous as the ones that are supposedly illegal. I said this here before.
We haven't heard back from Second (the original poster) but to me, as I read it, it sounds like two women settled because their husband gave them an ultimatum and they were too afraid to lose him.
Not a choice I would make, but to each their own.
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"If we give the money to the widows, they will spend it unwisely because they are uneducated and they don?t know about budgeting. But if we find her a husband, there will be a person in charge of her and her children for the rest of their lives."
MAZIN al-SHIHAN, director of a city agency in Baghdad, on his plan to pay men to marry Iraqi war widows.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:20 PM
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> It's true! It's one of the worlds many double
> standards. It's ok to cheat,
It's not okay at all. But it's considered nobody's business, and it's not illegal.
be irresponsilbe and lie
> about things, but it is very WRONG to take care of
> your family (everyone mistress and you kids with
> mistress) be very open and honest with every one
> involved and be happy with each other. It's a part of
> life every ones judging everyone else and no one is
> up to standard.
It's wrong to make polygamy illegal. It's a lot better than just cheating.
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There will always be women in rubber flirting with me. (Maureen from RENT)
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:17 PM
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It's true! It's one of the worlds many double standards. It's ok to cheat, be irresponsilbe and lie about things, but it is very WRONG to take care of your family (everyone mistress and you kids with mistress) be very open and honest with every one involved and be happy with each other. It's a part of life every ones judging everyone else and no one is up to standard.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:11 PM
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I think it's too bad that they can't be open about it. It's a funny thing how often it's okay to be a cheater or condone cheating, but the minute things become accepted by the parties involved and done honestly and ethically, it's weird and complained about.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:10 PM
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Yep, at least this way, you know what he's doing and saying cause your right there in the mix. She's not getting all the benefits from the affair and you all the brunt. You both share the load. There's one way to look at it!!
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:02 PM
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I also think that a lot of women live with the knowledge that their husband has a long-term mistress. They tacitly condone it. They won't leave so they just pretend that they don't know about it.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:00 PM
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i agree that 2nd's story sounds entierly plausible. but she really can't run with the "at least we do it in the open" argument about fidelity and polygamy. her husband was cheating on his wife and some 10 years later she still says "at least he doesn't lie to us." sounds like he was lying for a year and a half and both of you were cool with it. so how do you know he's not cheating on you both now? he's already proven an ability to step out.
not judging at all, im a monogamist but this show certainly helps foster understanding about polygamy, an understanding i never possesed before i started watching.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 1:44 PM
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Watch the movie Micki + Maude. (I know it's comedy drama, but it's cute) In the happily ever after ending they were best friends. The guy (played by Dudley Moore) loved them both for different reasons.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087718/
But 2nd's story seems very plausible to me. I've seen a lot of people grow into the real love after a lot of tension at the beginning.
... and conversely some who start out all gushy gung ho about it and then grow out of love.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 12:06 PM
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Ameera, 2ndwife,
> > Well, I met me husband 9 years ago, and like
> every other relationship that consists of being the
> other woman, he had his first wife and a 1 yr old
> son, and for about 1 1/2 I was the other woman,
If you and the first wife are happy, that's the important thing, I guess. I would have a very hard time trusting a man who would cheat when he had a 1-year-old at home.
Hard to find a man who doesn't cheat, though. They're out there, but they are hard to find.
> than one day she found out about me, and of
> course she was very upset, but he said that he wasn't
> going to leave me and made it clear to me that he
> would not leave her. SO at first we waited each other
> out waiting to see which one would get tired first,
> and leave. but that never happened and we decided to
> meet to talk things out and figure out what we were
> going to do.
> After we met we realized that we both
> loved him very much and he loved us very much as
> well, and he was and still is a great father and
> husband, and he didn't lie to us we just had a
> choice to make.
He lied for a year and a half. That's a lot of lying. You ladies decided to settle, but then, who doesn't?
I think it's probably a lot better choice you guys made, than pushing for the divorce, because if she'd walked away, even after the divorce he'd have kept seeing her. This way at least they don't have an eternal custody battle going on.
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There will always be women in rubber flirting with me. (Maureen from RENT)
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Edited by titannia at 02/24/2009 9:08 AM PST
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 11:22 AM
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so, now that the "other woman" is another wife do you really believe he doesn't want a new secret "other woman" to play with? You two wives are really fooling yourselves
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 8:52 AM
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Hey 2nd,
I'm sure there are many people with stories similar to yours.
The "other woman" syndrome is just one of the things that happen when you try to fit men who are not naturally monogamous into this monogamous society that we arrive in.
There will be those who will doubt your story and those who will want you to conform to their monogamous paradigm -- don't take any shit from anybody, OK?
I'll burn their shaky logical houses down to the ground if ya need me to, OK?
Welcome & good luck.
--
"Can't we all just get along?" That 'famous philosopher' Rodney King and my Nicki 
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Edited by JustHangin at 02/24/2009 5:52 AM PST
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 4:22 AM
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Sal's a guy on the Howard Stern show whose wife was talking to a man on the internet behind his back. The man would write Sal's wife "143" at the end of his messages. 143 being code for 1=I/4=Love/3=You.
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 3:01 AM
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> Am I the only one unconvinced that secondwife143 is
> not a real person? Is this Sal Governale's wife's
> emotional friend (143 )? Maybe I'm wrong, but the
> whole scenario you have laid out seems extremely
> contrived and phony. There are real polygamists on
> these boards, but I don't believe you're one of them.
>
> --
> Edited by hurikayne at 02/24/2009 12:00 AM PST
Who is Sal Governale?
--
Well-behaved women rarely make history.......... Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
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Re: Happy this show came out!! (2nd Wife)
Feb 24, 2009 2:59 AM
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Am I the only one unconvinced that secondwife143 is a real person? Is this Sal Governale's wife's emotional friend (143)? Maybe I'm wrong, but the whole scenario you have laid out seems extremely contrived and phony. There are real polygamists on these boards, but I don't believe you're one of them.
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Edited by hurikayne at 02/24/2009 12:00 AM PST
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Edited by hurikayne at 02/24/2009 12:00 AM PST
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