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In looking for the name of the research person Barry talked to when he first met Cincinnatus I noticed that Ep 13 seems to be missing from the list of member created threads. So, for anyone who doesn't have it, here's the site our beloved Shriek set up and titled "The Further Days of John From Cincinnati": Shrieks site
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Nov 16, 2009 11:39 PM
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Hey, Sven and Spirit, just for the record... AWESOME!
This story truely has a life of its own and you both are telling it so well. I look so forward to seeing each piece unfold.
While I miss the series still, I think it important to note that I have come to look forward to posts on this thread as much as I did the original episodes. And now more than ever - after Spirits return.
I am sure everyone here, feels the same way.
Now, stop reading this and get back to writing! (jk)
Thanks, guys - very, very enjoyable.
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Nov 16, 2009 1:19 PM
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Butchie pulls the van in the parking lot at the Snug harbor and backs into the stall directly in front of the door to his room. He flips open his cell phone and dials, then puts it to his ear.
Butchie: Damn... yeah Kai, it's Butchie again, message one fucking thousand, I got some weird shit from John just now and I really need to hear something from you like real fucking soon... ok, well call me when you get this. (he hits the end button) Fuck!, miss you, love you...miss you. (he rubs his hands over his face and through his hair then shakes his head as if tying to wake himself up, he takes a deep breath and then relaxes in his seat and looks out around the courtyard and motel. He notices the lights next to the room doors on the second balcony and he notices several windows are lit as well)
Butchie: Looks like you're back in business Barry. (suddenly he sees a row of adjacent doors opening at once and in unison several people step out and close the doors behind them) What the fuck is this now? (He watches as all the people turn and walk in line toward the stairs and descend. He watches as the group, evenly spaced, walks slowly, with an almost precisioned unity, over to the door of the lounge and the lead person opens the door, Butchie can hear the loud scraping sound as the door opens) that's some weird shit, table for eight fucking robot tourists, "we're from Cincinnati!" Oh yeah, no shit?, I'd 'a never guessed! (he get's out of the van, goes around and opens up the back, next to two surfboards there are two large boxes with his name marked on the side, he pulls one out and carries it over to the door, he opens the door and drops it on the floor just inside then goes back to get the second one)
Butchie: (he closes the back of the van and holding the other box looks over toward the Lounge as the last person enters, he looks back up at the row of rooms with lit windows and notices one room in the middle is dark, four lit on one side and four lit on the other) Friends of yours John?
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/20/2009 10:51 AM PST
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Nov 15, 2009 3:27 PM
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Barry steps inside the Lounge and immediately sees the linen covered candle lit tables on which Ramon has spread out an assortment of dishes. He next notices the newly remodeled bar, complete with a very large mirror behind it which is etched with the image of a large blue whale spanning it's full length.
Barry: Ramon! You have been working here! And you have preserved the memory of my dear friend!
Ramon: (he smiles at looks proudly at the deeply etched mirror) Cincinnatus.
Barry: But how did you...?
Ramon: I'm not really sure about that...
Barry: (lifting his hands and tracing the arc over the mirror) And the blue lights are exquisite! (he looks at Ramon and shakes his head in amazement, several cobalt blue pendant lights hang arched above the etched mirror to illuminate the back bar shelves which are full of colorful and neatly arranged bottles) a masterpiece!
Ramon: I was hoping you'd like it. My cousin's sister, she done that acid etching, she does lots of stuff like that. And your lights, they look good huh?
Barry: Wonderful Ramon! I am speechless (he looks down toward the white linen tables and walks over touching a small flower filled vase) to the last touch.
Ramon: Not just me working everything around here (Ramon points up to the beam over the bar and Barry looks up to see it is fully covered with stickmen, fully stretching from one end to another and then he turns to see them continuing all around the walls of the restaurant, the line running continuously from corner to corner to corner and back again seemingly endless and finally his eyes come to rest on the far wall behind the large stage where the stick men multiply into rows and rows covering the wall entirely)
Ramon: Some things have gone a little crazy around here.
Barry stares at the stickmen covering the wall then he looks up over his head and sees that he is standing directly under one of the stage lights, he is illuminated in it's soft blue beam.
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/20/2009 10:13 AM PST
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Nov 15, 2009 1:41 PM
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Barry walks across the courtyard of the Snug Harbor heading toward the office but stops suddenly, he looks up at the evening sky and takes in a deep breath, he is clutching Teddy in his arms
Barry: For every end there is a new beginning, twilight sounds approaching dawn. (he holds out Teddy and looks at him) Did you know that Teddy?
Barry looks at the ground where he is standing and then turns around in place and looks back and forth from one structure to the other and then back straight down the driveway as if to assess his exact location . He stops and stares out toward the street as a car drives by.
Barry: (quickly lifts a hand to touch his temple) Have I not seen my own end Teddy, has twilight come and dawn passed unnoticed for me? (he looks from side to side again) In this very spot I remember a brightness, laughter and song, all quieted now. (he looks around again, his eyes falling on a spot where there is a large pile of dirt surrounded by the broken asphalt) It's darker now. ( he looks up at the second story balcony and notices the lights next to the doors glowing amber) Softer. Good choice Teddy, those fixtures.
With a loud scraping squeaking noise the door to the lounge suddenly opens and a path of light cuts through a shadowed path from the door to Barry's feet. Ramon is standing in the door way.
Ramon: My cousin's gonna fix this door tomorrow, hinges are gone, metal on metal where the weatherstripping used to be.
Barry: Ramon!
Ramon: (smiles at Barry and motions for him to come inside) I got a little surprise for you!
Barry: I am surprised Ramon, by each new moment it seems! (he walks over toward the steps leading up into the lounge and the two of them step inside, Ramon closes the squeaking door behind them cutting off the illuminated path, leaving the place where Barry was standing in the darker light)
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/17/2009 9:08 AM PST
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Nov 15, 2009 12:10 PM
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Cass pulls the Porsche over to the curb at the entrance to the pier and holds her camera up to focus its lens down the length of the walkway leading out beyond the sand. There are only a few people walking there now and she immediately recognizes Dwayne as he sees her and walks quickly toward her.
Cass: Well there's Dwayne, that's somebody at least.
Dwayne: (waving at Cass like he's hailing a taxi) Excuse me miss... (he hurries awkwardly to the door)
Cass: It's Cass, we met at the motel.
Dwayne: Yes, Cass, I'm sorry, hello, may I impose on you to give me a ride to the Café, (he opens the door to get in) Something extraordinary has happened...
Cass: (Grabs her camera off the seat before he nearly sits on it) Sure, why not, you're the only familiar face Ive been able to find today, I could use the company. (She looks past him and stares down the pier again)
Dwayne: Are you looking for someone in particular?
Cass: Yes actually, I was looking for John, or Butchie, they seem to have just disappeared.
Dwayne: That's not all that's disappeared.
Cass: What do you mean?
Dwayne: You remember a navy radio station that was out on the headlands just up the coast there? (he motions over his shoulder with his thumb)
Cass: Uh yeah I think so, the thing with the fence around it?
Dwayne: Yeah, then you've seen it, well, it's not there any more, it's just gone, vanished!
Cass: (stares ahead blankly) You're kidding, I think I have some footage of that place.
Dwayne: I'd like to review that if I could
Cass: well get this, there's another place I took some footage of, the old lifeguard tower down by the fire pits, it was an historic landmark. I drove down there this afternoon and it wasn't there. I filmed there the day before the contest, and it was definitely there then (She looks at Dwayne and he looks at her, then Cass starts the Porsche and they pull away from the curb)
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/17/2009 9:07 AM PST
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Nov 15, 2009 11:34 AM
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Dwayne stands up and repositions a mounted camera to face the shoreline, he then holds up a photograph. The land he is looking at is now vacant, the same land in the phoptograph shows a structure surrounded by an extremely tall fence, he lookes at the photographers inscription beneath the photo which reads "Elephant Cage - May '09"
Dwayne: This is big! (he flips the page before his eyes and in front of the computer screen broadcasting the bare strip of headlands, then he sticks it out in front of the camera to record it) Now you see it now you don't! This is huge! (he locks the box down over the camera and computer and heads back down the pier toward IB).
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/17/2009 9:05 AM PST
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Nov 14, 2009 8:40 PM
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Thank you so much, Spirit, for returning and writing for us. You are such a very, very good writer, and now we have a bit of a cliff-hanger, so I hope we we don't have to wait too long for the next installment.
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Nov 14, 2009 5:08 PM
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Butchie is sitting in his van looking out at the remaining pink clouds following the sunset, suddenly John is kneeling behind him in the space just between the seats, he is holding out a hot dog for Butchie.
Butchie: (surprised) Jesus John! Where the fuck did you come from!
John: I brought you a hot dog Butchie.
Butchie: I see that buddy (Butchie takes the hot dog) Thanks... but where you been pal? I was beginning to think you bit the dust at the contest
John: Some things I know Butchie, (he points up in the air)
Butchie: Is that right? What do you know John?
John: Everybody died Butchie.
Butchie: What's that buddy?
John: Everybody dies.
Butchie turns in his seat and looks at John
Butchie: Everybody dies... or died , John?
John: Everybody died.
Butchie takes the hot dog and looks at it.
Butchie: Is that right? (he peels the bun away from the hot dog and examines it more closely) Damn John, don't you know a dogs gotta have mustard on it?
John: Some things I know Butchie.
Butchie: Yeah? Well you don't know hot dogs for shit, what else do you know buddy?
John: Kai did not die Butchie, Shaun was by her side.
Butchie: (drops the hot dog on his lap) What the fuck are you talking about John, did something happen, do I need to be going to Hawaii?
John: (reaches in his pocket, pulls out a packet of mustard and hands it to Butchie) Work here Butchie. Kai showed you how to do that.
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Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/20/2009 10:44 AM PST
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Nov 14, 2009 4:34 PM
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Shaun stands at the toilet relieving himself, he closes his eyes and tilts his head back,
Shaun: Man, I'm fucked up, what's going on. (to himself he thinks John, what's going on )
John: (standing behind him) Got to put mustard on your hot dog Shaunie!.
Shaun spins around startled, quickly zipping up his shorts but having difficulty
Shaun: John! Dude you sacred the shit...
John: Scared the piss out of Shaun Yost.
Shaun: yeah dude, you scared the fucking piss out of me! (Shaun weaves a bit and leans over looking into John's face and smiles a wide drunk grin) Dude, watch this! (Shaun steps back and losing his balance several times he traces a pattern on the floor with his feet, then he spins around and throws his arm out almost falling as he starts laughing) Line forms to the left! (Shaun reaches in his pocket and with some effort pulls out a condom and holds it up to John, Shaun grins widely)
John: got rolled and the stupid beaners forgot to check his pockets.
Shaun: (laughing at what John said), fucking right man, I rolled a fatty, (slurring and hanging on to John's shirt front) Dude I'm so glad you're here! I'm having a kick ass party man, everybody's here...come on come on I got to introduce you to my girlfriend! (Shaun fumbles with the door and eventually opens it. He pulls John out and into his room which is filled with people loudly talking and moving in a chaotic rhythm to the music blaring from the speakers in the corner) (Oblivious to the fact that no one is paying any attention) Hey everybody, this is John, he's my friend... from Cincinnati! (only Adam hears Shaun and get's up off Shaun's bed and stands in front of John)
John: (looks down in Adams face) The lighthouse is gone.
Shaun: Oh man, my Grams, Grams... and Gramps they've been takling about you.. But don't tell them anything...not tonight...
John: Not in their lifetime Shaunie.
Shaun: Ohh oh but my dad... my dad..is wondering where you been too... (Shaun steps away from John and smiling heads over to a girl standing in the corner who is smiling at him and holding up a joint for him)
Adam: (watching Shaun and smiling) Butchie gone wild
John: Butchie Yost?
(In the clubhouse Cissy and Mitch stand at the window looking toward the sunset)
Cissy: (Drawing in a deep breath) It actually smells pretty good!
Mitch: I must really have a brain tumor, I could have sworn there was a naval radio complex on that bluff over there.
Cissy: Maybe I should go down and bum a joint, shit he probably doesn't even know how to roll one.
Mitch: That's right Cissy, maybe you should crash Shaunies party and show him how to do it.
Cissy: (looks at Mitch dissmissingly) I think I forgot to put out mustard for the hot dogs. (Cissy walks out and stands briefly at the top of the stairs).
(back in Shaun's room Shaun walks back over to John with his arm draped around a girl)
John: Cissy's gonna show you how to do that.
--
Edited by SpiritontheWater at 11/15/2009 10:57 AM PST
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Nov 6, 2009 4:10 PM
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Dear Eccles,
It took me some time to decide how to respond to your thoughtful and as always enlightening comment.
No one who has the pleasure of reading your posts would ever doubt your talent as a writer; it's more than just a hobby for you. I think all of your Deadwood and JFC acquaintances would be privileged and happy to read the story you are working on now, if you would someday let us.
As to the creativity of those who bravely posted their stories, scenes or poems on our forum, I'd attribute it to the mysterious influence of John from Cincinnati. We know he is not from Cincinnati, we know that his name might or might not be John, but it's also became clear that his miracles never cease to happen. The show brought out the best in all of us, I think.
As far as my writing goes, I certainly enjoy it, but it's not much. I am just glad it could entertain someone and that is more than enough for me. I wish I had the talent Walkara, Spirit and others so beautifully revealed in their telling the story of John's visit, and I regret that they've quit. However, I think now I am at peace with that too.
Thank you again for your encouragement; it is a pleasure talking to you
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Nov 5, 2009 9:41 AM
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> It is my way of letting them all go, to live their
> life, changed, almost imperceptibly, without the
> global struggle, or the overnight transformation,
> only with deeper and peaceful acceptance of life and
> its simple truths.
So beautifully stated ...
Of all the ways the series inspired me, one of the most powerful was the simple message: "Work here." I always enjoyed seeing the series character Ramon working away every day performing tasks which would seem to most, and sometimes even to him, as mundane and routine, and the very opposite of glamorous. Ramon didn't surf, had never been famous or even well known, had little money, didn't float in the air, and didn't actually witness anything too far out of the ordinary until those little stick figures showed up at the bar, and yet he found himself right smack dab in the middle of the miraculous simply because he was doing his job at the motel ... working here ... and responding to the needs of others in distress by doing what he could, and cooking some stuff. To me, "working here" means making a difference, however small and insignificant one's effort might seem, wherever one happens to be. For Ramon, that means the motel where he works. For me, it means my palatial flyover country fortress where I'm waited on by my legions of scantily clad servants. For you, it means working where you are.
I have lots of godchildren. I acquired them over the years as most of my friends insisted upon breeding. At Christmas and on their birthdays, I used to include a humorous poem usually composed under the pen name of the family dog. Anyways ... the children aged even though I didn't, and a few years ago, I switched to little short stories instead of poems for their Christmas and birthday cards.
My latest effort for my godchildren has become more than a short story. I'm now just finishing Chapter Six, and have written eighty pages and roughly 19000 words. And it's funny - at least to me. I know that even if no one else reads it, they'll eventually enjoy it, and it lets me "work here."
I mention all this, sven, because people like you and a number of others with whom I've spoken on this board are so talented and have such ability that I can easily imagine any of you writing all sorts of things to brighten the lives of those close to you. You've already done so here, and you can do so anywhere.
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Edited by Ecclesfan at 11/05/2009 6:56 AM PST
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Nov 4, 2009 11:24 PM
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Sven
I too liked your scene.. I don't like the defeat sound in your voice.
just a few left and thats it.?
You are the spirit of JFC.
Do you realze it is going on 3 years and we have all done our part to keep the threads alive.
If you surf around the internet. And see whats going on.
This is a beautiful retreat.
There will never be another BB like this one.
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Nov 4, 2009 9:03 PM
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I was thinking what can I say to all of you for your kind words. Just - thank you, I am honored.
It is my way of letting them all go, to live their life, changed, almost imperceptibly, without the global struggle, or the overnight transformation, only with deeper and peaceful acceptance of life and its simple truths.
I think I have only one or two scenes left in me. I know that it's not the finale everyone was waiting for, but I have little hope that someone else will continue this story.
I hate to see it end. Anyone is willing to turn things around? Maybe we can?
No, Zippy, I haven't read Field, thank you for the advice. I will read "Screenplay" that was recommended by a friend, although I have no plans to write any screenplay. JFC is my first, last and only.
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Nov 4, 2009 9:35 AM
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> It makes me so happy to read this! Well done, Sven.
> Thanks so much for writing this for us!
I feel the need to add my two cents and agree with you, skor.
This is really, really well done, Sven.
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Nov 3, 2009 7:18 PM
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I second that Skorda.
Each of these last 3 posts from Sven could have been written by the JFC writers themselves. Bravo!
Sven, have you ever read any of Syd Field's books on screenwriting?
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