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Hello Bill Maher fans -
As you all know, due to the WGA strike there are no New Rules on Real Time with Bill Maher. However, with the primaries in full swing and Bush in the Middle East we recognize the need for them! So - we're creating this thread hoping that you'll tell us YOUR new rules!
If we get enough usable submissions, we'll put together a feature on HBO.com.
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Posts:
140
Registered:
3/7/08
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(333 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Jul 3, 2008 8:05 PM
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Leave it to the Canadians. " If I have to pay more tax, so be it, at least i know that at the end of the day, my fellow Canadians will be taken care of, no matter what the cost."
Americans are Christians and do not believe in this brother's keeper shit that is pushed by the limp-wristed commies of the world.
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Posts:
492
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10/21/07
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(332 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Jun 30, 2008 6:43 PM
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NEW Rule: Everyday, the price of crude oil, is at a "all time high".
MSM, we get it, the price of oil is rising, everyday. Let's stop acting like you're shocked.
Can we get a weekly update, instead?
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"People only see what they are prepared to see."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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1
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2/23/08
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(331 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Jun 1, 2008 3:54 PM
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NEW RULE: A scarf doesn't make you a terrorist.
....nor does it make the corporation you've just sold your soul to terrorist sponsored. When Dunkin Donuts uses a Fougasse to flambe my bananas foster, then I'll get worried. Until then, I'll just leave that up to my good buddy Abu.
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5
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5/28/08
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(330 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 28, 2008 7:40 PM
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New Rule: If you think that Universal health care is a bad thing for America, you need to get off whatever pills your pharmaceutical company purchased doctor is selling you.
Universal free health care, as provided in most other western countries is often shunned by the american political elite as bad for america. Ask a Canadian they said about universal health care. Well, I am a Canadian, and though some operations that are non-life threatening like hip replacement might take a bit longer here, I am happy that if and when i get sick, or anyone in my family gets sick, they can be assured protection by the government. I don't have to pay premiums, or deductables, i don't have to be worried about being dropped from my insurance, I am taken care of as are all of my loved ones, no matter their financial situation. If I have to pay more tax, so be it, at least i know that at the end of the day, my fellow Canadians will be taken care of, no matter what the cost.
Oh and free health care, let's me sleep with whoever i want whenever i want with no worry about stds, I'm covered. hehehe
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Posts:
15,782
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12/1/04
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(329 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 28, 2008 3:08 AM
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mario at random
LOL
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Posts:
1
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5/24/08
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(328 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 24, 2008 8:53 PM
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My first (posted) new rule! I was inspired by This guy:
PIMPSLAP MY RIDE
NEW RULE: Cars are not bootylicious. This guy was caught fulfilling every suburban jackoff's fantasy of having sex with his car. That's right, I typed WITH.
He says it's true love and not schizophrenia. Well, sorry gruesome, but your girl is a ho. Sure she's young, beautiful, with the sexiest styling curves and a whole lotta junk in the trunk. And she's really supportive after a hard day at work, and lots of fun when you two go out on the town. She doesn't even mind when you hit her! Yeah, we know all about it.
Well, it's a facade. She's using you, sucka, and milking your five good years for all it's worth. $50 for 'drinks', $1800 on blinged out rims and decals. And she always costs you $600 for those checkups, which is a front for her to be poked by a Jamaican.
And like all trophy girls, the end is the same: she'll grow old and tired and get rust in her flaps, and wind up with some local drunk with no teeth, while you trade up to some big fat gashog, you selfish asshole.
Doesn't anyone just have sex anymore?
Thank you, I hope to bring more soon.
I write, and write about other's writing. Sometimes I play guitar.
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Edited by marioatrandom at 05/24/2008 5:54 PM PDT
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Posts:
705
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2/21/05
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(327 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 24, 2008 4:51 PM
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New Rule: I'm a tree hugger, and proud of it!
While I care deeply about preserving trees for the birds, squirrels, raccoons, etc, I am fearful of the big and tall trees that could fall on my house and kill me.
So here is a related new rule: Planned Treehood. Plant new trees proactively and in advance to replace undesirabe ones.
When Austria's forests were leveled by the war, they planted new trees with careful planning. Color-coded hiking trails are etched on the replacement trees they planted.
Another new rule: share your resources with the local wildlife. If I could afford it, I would cover my roof with solar panels and allocate a section of the attic to the local wildlife, so that they might share my warmth in the winter.
It would be great if Bill could use his influence with PETA to make my house a prototype.
The alternative is to let the wildlife poplulation dwindle down to nonexistance.
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QTeela (Teela with a Q)
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Posts:
15,782
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12/1/04
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(326 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 22, 2008 11:09 PM
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LOL@magical gestures for slots
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Posts:
247
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10/17/07
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Re: What are your New Rules?
May 22, 2008 3:34 PM
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1.Stop calling things classic just because they're old.
It takes more than age to make something classic.
2. Remove the term "play date"from the English language
3. Prohibit magical gestures and verbal spell casting while playing the slots.
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EXTRAORDINARY CLAIMS REQUIRE
EXTRAORDINARY EVIDENCE
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Posts:
15,782
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12/1/04
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(324 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 21, 2008 11:43 PM
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I'd like to make a new rule that since our imports from countries with questionable health and safety or labor issues are only subject to inspections for safety and quality in such insignificantly tiny quantities of the whole millions of millions of containers full...that the stores who in turn sell the goods be made responsible for testing them to protect the public.
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Posts:
1
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5/17/08
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Re: What are your New Rules?
May 17, 2008 9:56 PM
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New Rule- You can't oppose gay marriage unless you're gay.
In the wake of the monumental court decision overturning a Gay Marriage ban, Californians have already gathered a petition of 1 million+ signatures to put the decision on the November ballot. This seems sort of like a man talking about the evils of abortion, or a Catholic priest denouncing Islam, or perhaps President Dubbya bringing a message of hope in New Orleans five months after he hasn't done anything to help (then continuing to do nothing). So, now you can't call gay sex evil unless you've done it, and you can't say that gay couples shouldn't adopt until you've raised a child well yourself. However, if you're instilling them with bigotry and prejudice, it looks like you've already been out-parented.
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15
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11/18/06
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Posts:
15
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11/18/06
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Re: What are your New Rules?
May 15, 2008 3:44 AM
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Check out:
Keith Olbermann on Pres. Bush giving up golf:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24632990/
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Edited by miladyT at 05/16/2008 12:20 AM PDT
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Posts:
15
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11/18/06
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Re: What are your New Rules?
May 15, 2008 3:41 AM
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Sorry about the numerous posts, there was a problem with the site. Anyway, I would like to recommend listening to 1480 KPHX Online. It's a very interesting station--progressive talk radio.
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Edited by miladyT at 05/16/2008 12:23 AM PDT
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2
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5/12/08
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(319 of 333)
Re: What are your New Rules?
May 15, 2008 12:04 AM
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New Rule: Gas tanks need to be moved to the back (the ass) of the car.
That way while you're at the gas station taking it up the ass, you can feel better by giving it right back to your car. And while you're back there filling up your gas guzzling SUV, you can take a minute to reflect on your bumper stickers, especially the one that says Vote Bush/Cheney.
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