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Hello Bill Maher fans -
As you all know, due to the WGA strike there are no New Rules on Real Time with Bill Maher. However, with the primaries in full swing and Bush in the Middle East we recognize the need for them! So - we're creating this thread hoping that you'll tell us YOUR new rules!
If we get enough usable submissions, we'll put together a feature on HBO.com.
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Posts:
1,859
Registered:
10/21/07
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(106 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 30, 2008 11:29 AM
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New Rule: Holdups should happen in the parking lot of the malls, not at the airports.
First, it is the TSA, search through your goods, and take any weapon you can use, to defend yourself.
Now the airlines, put you on 'eternal hold' while they do maintenance on planes you should be flying on.
Sorry, no transfers, or refunds, and you cannot get your gun back to defend yourself against them. Next time, I'm just donating my money to these corporate giants. Or we, did that already, never mind.
The airlines are taking us for a ride, to nowhere and the TSA is giving it to me, up the ass. I think I have been raped!
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A great change is at hand, and our task, our obligation, is to make that revolution, that change, peaceful and constructive for ALL.
Former President John F. Kennedy, televised address, June 11, 1963. Five months before he was assassinated.
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Posts:
9
Registered:
3/30/08
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(105 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 30, 2008 11:22 AM
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Fox news breaking news:
Human greenhouse gas emissions are altering the world?s climate. human farts melting the West Antarctica and Greenland very rapidly
North Korea and South Korea must go to war and fully destruct each other. After President bush scorned the Kyoto Protocol this weekend he urged Little Kim the peerless leader for some population control
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Always remember that That I am absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
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Posts:
68
Registered:
9/12/05
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(104 of 2461)
Mar 30, 2008 10:54 AM
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 NEW RULE: No More "Reliable," "Anonymous," or "Nameless Inside," Sourses. If you do not have the balls to tell me your name, and if the reporter doesn't have the nut to reveal your name, then I am not listening to anything you say. The Sourse is supposed to lend credence and ligitimacy to what you are saying. No Name. NO FUCKING Story! Period. And as Bill Hick's friend Jimmy Pineapple used to say: "END OF FUCKING STORY.!!!!! 
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"They would jail us all if they could -- ALL in the name of Freedom, Democracy, and the unspeakable obscenity they call the American Way!" John Sinclair - 1968
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Posts:
11
Registered:
1/18/08
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(103 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 30, 2008 9:56 AM
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New Rule: The name of Rupert Murdoch's network must be spelled correctly: The Faux News Network
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Posts:
3
Registered:
3/29/08
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(102 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 29, 2008 3:21 PM
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NEW RULE: If you vote for John McCain in November, then your child gets to go and fight in Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran.....and MINE gets to come home!
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Posts:
4
Registered:
3/28/08
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(101 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 28, 2008 6:02 PM
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NEW RULE: "THE HAND THAT BOMBS THE CRADLE" (picture) The weeping, terrified women of Iraq holding their bloody, broken, blown apart, dead babies in their arms. Question: Is GW Bush the Mother of All idiots?
...George W. when you've spent the past 5 years destroying an entire nation of families (or two - add America) and blowing their children into smithereens, don't ass/u/me that the Mother's of Iraq want their children to grow up in a democratic society just like American Mother's do. GW should ask himself how Laura Bush would feel if she were clutching her daughters' dismembered body parts after an "enemy" bombed her home. Would she be wishing for democracy or anything but her children back in one piece. She'd probably even damn to hell the nation that ripped her children from her loving arms? Someone PLEASE take GW's "rose colored glasses" away!!! This is a no-brainer... So you'd think he'd get it. Does anyone have some duct tape? Does GW need a hearing aid to listen to himself? Is Peace through war an oxymoron? Or is GW just the Mother of all morons?
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Posts:
1
Registered:
3/28/08
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(100 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 28, 2008 12:27 PM
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New Rule: If you are going to forward an e-mail regarding anything in the bible, you must actually read the bible first.
E-rumor:
"According to The Book of Revelations:
The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destroy everything.
Is it OBAMA??"
Fact:
There are no scripture references that say that the Antichrist is to be in his forties and of Moslem descent. That part of the eRumor is contrived. (Thanks to Truth or Fiction.com)
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Posts:
5
Registered:
2/17/08
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(99 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 27, 2008 8:37 PM
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New Rule....
If we are going to judge Barack Obama by the things his pastor says, we need to start looking into the Southern Baptists rants of hate speech which goes on every Sunday in America, and then play their shocking and hateful sermons. Yes, lets start a conversation on race, and let's also start one on all religions, which is where most hate speech comes from!
Also, I love this country which makes me a patriot, but I think other countries do things better than us, i.e., education, health care, lower infant mortality rates, higher life-span expectancy. Come on, if something is different somewhere else and is working, how about we give it a try instead of professing our superiority! Dissent is not unpatriotic. There is nothing unpatriotic about trying to make our country better!
Go Obama!
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Posts:
109
Registered:
10/11/06
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(98 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 27, 2008 7:51 PM
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> New Rules:
>
> Congressmen and Senators cannot complain about
> contractors snooping into Presidential candidates
> passport files on the one hand, and insist that it is
> OK to tap everyones phone on the other.
are they really tapping everyone's phone?
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Victory!!!!!!
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Posts:
1
Registered:
3/27/08
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(97 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 27, 2008 6:38 PM
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New Rules:
Congressmen and Senators cannot complain about contractors snooping into Presidential candidates passport files on the one hand, and insist that it is OK to tap everyones phone on the other.
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Posts:
10
Registered:
3/27/08
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(96 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 27, 2008 5:53 PM
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New Rule: If you pray to heal your kids instead of taking them to the doctor, then you're forced into the TV show "Intervention" where those that still care about you get to throw stones at your head until you believe in medical science.
Weston, Wis - Police are investigating an 11-year-old girl's death from an undiagnosed, treatable form of diabetes after her parents chose to pray for her rather than take her to a doctor. The girl's mother said the family believes in the Bible and that healing comes from God.
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Posts:
1
Registered:
3/27/08
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(95 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 27, 2008 4:38 PM
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NEW RULE
Conservatives have to stop equating criticism of the debacle in Iraq with a lack of patriotism or not supporting the troops.
I realize that most of them are probably not the biggest fans of Thomas Jefferson, not caring or wishing to remember him as the greatest single contributor to the constitution, despite how they crow on about the document to suit their own purposes. They probably consider him a "liberal", and he was! It was Jefferson who said : "Dissent is the highest form of patriotism".
This great experiment we call American democracy works only when every voice, no matter how unpopular with the majority, is given unfettered public forum to be expressed. Part of the irony is, true right wing conservatives aren't even the majority. It's just one of their many arrogant presumptions to speak for it.
Spending hundreds of billions (trillions?) of dollars of taxpayers money, past, current and future, to put America's young men and women in harms way- and continuing to do so with all the information we now have about how we REALLY got involved there- for the profit of the military industrial complex is not only unpatriotic, it is immoral and criminal. (Lest we forget, arms are the number one industry and export of this great nation). And further, isn't caring for America's citizenry- by making roads and bridges and buildings safe, by keeping them healthy by not poisoning them and fouling their environment, by providing health care- patriotic? You know, things that actually benefit those paying the taxes? Apparently not to the conservatives, who seem to believe that none of their fellow citizens are entitled to a cent of "their" profits, all the while ever ready to take tax dollars to bail them out when one of their own drives an industry or whole segment of the economy into the toilet.
So it's no longer allowed for rich, white, corporate, conservatives to send America's youth to die for profits under the guise of "democracy" and call it patriotism, while calling any who disagree with their obscenely twisted logic unpatriotic.
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Posts:
18
Registered:
3/12/08
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(94 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 24, 2008 1:15 AM
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White bloggers acting black,black bloggers acting white.republicans acting as democrates,democrates as republicans. STOP IT NOBODYS BUYING IT. THAT AVATAR PIC FOOLS ME.
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Edited by 66caddy at 03/23/2008 10:17 PM PDT
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Posts:
1,859
Registered:
10/21/07
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(93 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 21, 2008 10:15 AM
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New Rule: Reporters in the media should not use adjectives.
We want the facts, just the facts, from the media. With the truth I will use my own adjectives to form an opinion. Keep your lies, to yourselves. I do not need your opinion, in order to form my own opinion.
Don't try to be my leader, I am not a follower.
Bitch, I am in charge of my life. You are not my God.
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Can't we all... just... get along?
Rodney King, philosopher
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Posts:
1,859
Registered:
10/21/07
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(92 of 2461)
Re: What are your New Rules?
Mar 21, 2008 9:31 AM
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New Rule: Confession is good for the soul. We are all sexist bigot with little tolerance with people that differ from us.
I will admit it first. I loving bitching about those who are hypocrites. Including myself. Here is a short list of those I dislike.
I hate:
Wiggers. Fake wanna be, white kids, that play rap music so loudly. that it can be heard a block away. Like the music? Great, me too. Just because there are some black kids that want to be deaf, in their early twenties, doesn't mean you should do the same. And, pull up your pants, damnit! Nobody's crack is appealing.
Fake liberals. Again those who claim that all mankind is equal, but when they are with their group, they laugh at racial jokes. Some will even date people out of their race, but marry one of them, Hell no. They are 'too ghetto'.
Down-low Gays. Nothing is wrong with your sexual orientation, so please do not use women to cover up your real desires, to fuck a man. Your lies are a threat to the American family. Kids hates divorced parents, and you are going to add to their pain by switching up. What will their friend say? Don't fake the funk.
Mega-Hos. Don't fuck, just to add another notch on your belt. Too many of you are not in a real relationship, and you are a bio-hazard to mankind. Stop pretending that you are in love. You are using someone's body for your selfish needs, and that is wrong. Pay a prostitute instead, whore.
Extremist of any religion. Love your religion, great.
But, let's not pretend that I am going to hell, if I do not follow in your path. My God is not going to like that.
Sexist males My goal in life is to mentally castrate males who think that I am inferior, just because I lack a piece of meat between my legs. Your strength does not make you superior, and that meat is not better than my crack. We are just physically different. The environment gave you special privilege, not your intellect.
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Can't we all... just... get along?
Rodney King, philosopher
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