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I had the best time ever in church Saturday, it was a wedding between a Congolese woman and a Liberian UN peace-keeper who speaks no French.
Now normally weddings are something that men suffer through and this one was no exception at the start. The entrance of the wedding party was a grand affair where they sorta shuffle in to music, step right-step left-slight slide forward. Took 15 minutes to cover the 30 feet to the altar. One precursor to the entertainment to follow was an elderly woman with a grass skirt over her Sunday best, white stripes painted on her face (war paint?), a ceremonial tomahawk and beer caps on the grass skirt that clinked when she danced and she was really working it during the bridal entrance dancing up and down the aisle and even around the procession. I was amazed at how nimbly she could move that 58? waist.
Finally everyone got settled in and the service began. I began wondering if anyone would notice or care if I got in a quick nap when the festival began. The choir started in on it's first song and they were, to be polite, not so good. The guys were all trying to make their voices go as low as possible causing a queasy feeling in my stomach and the girls were trying to maintain the highest note possible while singing through their noses an effect quite similar to fingernails on a blackboard. Then the conga player started up and he was good, real good. Once the beat started all the women leaped to their feet and the tomahawk was flying. God help me but when that happened I flashed to a Chris Rock bit where he talks about how hard it is to defend rap now with the nasty lyrics addressed at women. What amazed him though was that women dance to that stuff. When asked why women explained to him that if the beat is right you gotta dance, ?If it's got a good beat you have to move your feet?. He then begins rapping while acting like a woman dancing, ?Slap her with my dick...Slap her with my dick...Poke her in the eye...Poke her in the eye...Blind the bitch...Blind the bitch?. Probably not the most appropriate image to have in church but it sure set up the entertainment for me the rest of the day.
Soon after a child just shy of two started to cry, hungry. Mom whips out this huge breast for him and the boy was satisfied. Breast feeding is so common here one hardly notices and there really is no inappropriate place for doing it. I looked over a little later and the child had finished eating but mom hadn't noticed and put her breast away yet. The boy, being full and bored started slapping his mom's breast around like it was a beach ball. Stifling a laugh, it dawned on me that here is a boy that's going to have some issues when he gets older.
More later.
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3,740
Registered:
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(25 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 2:46 PM
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> > It's been so long since I read one of your
> depictions
> > Blue, and boy have I missed them! I'm really
> glad you
> > decided to start again. *VBG*
> >
> > I'm still trying to visualize that left-slight
> slide
> > forward shuffle, lol.
> >
> > 
> >
> > (Heavy pain killers make you call people the
> wrong
> > name.) :P
> >
> > --
> > Edited by magialuna at 10/26/2009 9:03 AM PDT
>
> Here ya go.
> Kananga
> shuffle
>
> It's 30 seconds of an entrance being made by a choir.
> They were in a hurry because it was outdoors and rain
> threatened.
Thanks Blue. 
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Posts:
429
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(24 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 2:31 PM
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Blue what a great story and what a gifted story teller you are. Is there more???
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(23 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 1:30 PM
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man i wish i'd been invited. i'd turn the word ubangi into a 3 word interrogative and presume the affirmative. EVOE !
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Edited by portrayedbyjim at 11/04/2009 10:30 AM PST
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(22 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 11:03 AM
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> Here ya go.
> Kananga
> shuffle
>
> It's 30 seconds of an entrance being made by a choir.
> They were in a hurry because it was outdoors and rain
> threatened.
That was really beautiful; thanks for uploading it. The singing reveals that fascinating blend of post- and pre-missionary contact. Also is a cousin to the earliest form of Af-Am religious song and movement.
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Edited by editor2 at 11/04/2009 8:04 AM PST
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(21 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 2:19 AM
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I'll bet you could write a column in nearly any major newspaper......if there were any left.
The kid with the breast beach ball is definitely going to have issues! LOL!
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(20 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 4, 2009 12:59 AM
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StillBlue
I've been enjoying the wedding story
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(19 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 2, 2009 11:29 AM
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Let me add my thanks, Blue. If you don't have a blog, you should. If you do, post a link.
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(18 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 2, 2009 9:19 AM
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(17 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 2, 2009 8:44 AM
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Oh Blue, you should write a book Thanks for the video of the shuffle!
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Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 2, 2009 5:46 AM
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Continuing the wedding.
Nuns are universal, they believe in Jesus and they believe that it is their duty, their obligation to punish miscreants. All the while they are beating you they are telling you how much it pains them to have to beat you like this and try as you will to convince them that it hurts you enormously to be the cause of such pain and you plead with them to stop the beating because you can't stand to see them in such pain it never works, the beating continues until she is satisfied.
Anyway, the priest was giving his sermon, telling the couple that what they were doing now was not a contract, what they did in the morning in the mayor's office (yes, they got married twice the same day) that was a contract, in the church they were bonding two into one. Kinda wished the gay marriage debaters could understand that as well, churches perform weddings and the state makes contracts. The state has no say in weddings and should have no problem witnessing a contract between consenting adults of the same sex. I digress. Midway through the sermon the priest's microphone went dead and one of the alter boys replaced it with the other working one. As he was walking away it apparently came back to life as he was tapping and blowing into it. The boy continued his blowing and tapping for the better part of a minute totally unaware of the danger he was in. Looking over I could see a nun with that look on her face. You know the one ?What form of punishment will be most appropriate and should the boy be able to walk after it??
The service was almost over when someone who had forgot to switch off his phone got a call. Phones here are still a big status symbol. One level is to simply have a phone, the next level is to have a phone for each of the networks; A call is about 30 cents a minute across providers but about 18 cents if to the same provider so it helps to have different phones for each of the three we have here. Ultimate status symbol is to hire someone to carry your phones for you and to hand you the one that is ringing. True story. One thing all the phone owners have in common is that they tend to have the ringers on factory setting volume. Factory not as in the default setting, oh no, factory as in I might get a call while I am visiting a loud factory and I might have set the phone down at the opposite end and I want to be sure and be able to hear it ring setting. This particular individual had the William Tell Overture as his ring-tone. I showed great restraint and resisted successfully the urge to yell out ?Hi Ho Silver...Away!? and it's a damn good thing I didn't because I saw the sister with that smile on her face that said she was getting a twofer that day and I would have made a third victim if I had opened my trap.
After the shuffle down the aisle and the spraying of ?snow in a can?(who the hell imports shit like that here?) we loaded into the few vehicles there for the trip to the brides parents house. One vehicle was a pickup truck and the congregation loaded it to the max which means everyone along the rails in back had to have one leg out to make room for more people, I'm guessing over 20 in a toyota pick-up.
As we were pulling away I thought I heard a scream. The sister and the alter boy were nowhere to be seen, I didn't look back.
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487
Registered:
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(15 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Nov 2, 2009 5:44 AM
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> It's been so long since I read one of your depictions
> Blue, and boy have I missed them! I'm really glad you
> decided to start again. *VBG*
>
> I'm still trying to visualize that left-slight slide
> forward shuffle, lol.
>
>
>
> (Heavy pain killers make you call people the wrong
> name.) :P
>
> --
> Edited by magialuna at 10/26/2009 9:03 AM PDT
Here ya go.
Kananga shuffle
It's 30 seconds of an entrance being made by a choir. They were in a hurry because it was outdoors and rain threatened.
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Posts:
8,362
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11/27/04
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(14 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Oct 26, 2009 1:17 PM
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i understand funerals are pretty fancy too.
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3,740
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(13 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Oct 26, 2009 12:00 PM
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It's been so long since I read one of your depictions Blue, and boy have I missed them! I'm really glad you decided to start again. *VBG*
I'm still trying to visualize that left-slight slide forward shuffle, lol.
(Heavy pain killers make you call people the wrong name.) :P
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Edited by magialuna at 10/26/2009 9:03 AM PDT
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487
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(12 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Oct 26, 2009 9:43 AM
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> Shirley is not dead. Not so cute any more in her
> 80's, but alive.
>
> That's great, blue! What a trip. 58 inch waist?
>
> Tell us more.
Age is not a barrier. Tina Turner turns 70 in a month and have you seen recent photos of her?
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(11 of 25)
Re: I'm gonna pay for this
Oct 26, 2009 9:25 AM
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Shirley is not dead. Not so cute any more in her 80's, but alive.
That's great, blue! What a trip. 58 inch waist?
Tell us more.
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