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This topic has been archived - replies are not allowed.
Things are tricky enough for the shy, overweight Oliver (played by Aaron Shaw) as he faces bullies at school. But it's the stress of his parents' divorce that brings Oliver and his parents to Paul's office. As Paul tries to help the trio navigate this tricky transition, he can't help but hear echoes of his own fractured family.
What do you predict will happen during Oliver's sessions?
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
Jun 5, 2009 12:58 PM
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> And also, don't actions speak louder than words?
They do. In alot of ways, under alot of other circumstances other than cursing. It's just too bad that some people choose to live in such a way that they don't think their actions have any repercussions.
That "misbehaving", no matter what form it takes, is acceptable, funny, or cool. Sad, really.
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 30, 2009 12:29 PM
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And also, don't actions speak louder than words?
That is not to say I allow my own kids to curse or condone it in other kids. Not at all. Even in adults, cursing can get old very quickly.
What I tell my kids is that the more you curse, the more uneducated you seem. Does the trick so far!
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 29, 2009 12:47 PM
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> The cursing, however, does bother me. I realize
> that in a moment of anger, people slip and drop the F
> bomb. But, I would hope that Oliver does not continue
> to speak that way to his parents. IMO, that is
> pushing the envelope way too far. Once that gets
> started, and ignored by the parents, it's very hard
> to stop, totally uncalled for and the highest sign of
> disrespect. What he yells to his friends across the
> schoolyard has no place at home (parents who curse
> included). Well, those are my standards and maybe not
> necessarily shared by others.
>
> Oh lord! I laughed out loud when I read that. Of all
> the the ways that Oliver hurts and acts out, why
> would cursing even be a point of contention? The
> highest sign of disrespect??? Running out the room,
> running away from school! Please, act anyway you
> want, just don't curse - that's way beneath my
> standards as a parent.
>
> Big picture people, big picture!
Big picture, definately. Aka, eye on the prize. Drives me nuts when parents complain about how their kids "turned out", without looking at the big picture and taking some responsibility. But taking responsibility is work for alot of parents, it also means being accountable. It's much easier to place blame than do any of those things.
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 27, 2009 4:09 PM
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I'll also add that when we had our child together, I was 41 and he was 42. I told him that a) she will NOT call you by your first name and b.) You are 42...time to grow
So, if he was a step dad, what should she call him? Mr.......?
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Edited by rubyjtcat at 05/28/2009 6:53 AM PDT
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 27, 2009 9:49 AM
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Excellent post, jolie, and I'm certain your children - under your guidance - won't be subject to the same mistakes.
I used to live next door to a couple who had FOUR boys ranging in age from 3 to 10. Mom and Dad let them run rampant throughout the subdivision. The parents would literally LOCK them out of the house on some days (when the weather was nice). When the kids would come by asking for a glass of water, we would ask, "Is your Mom or Dad not HOME?" Then the kids would say, "Oh, they locked us out - they're probably having SEX." (And this statement usually was made by the 6 or 7 year old!)
The kids also destroyed people's property, urinated in the neighbor's shrubbery, and CURSED a blue streak. (I didn't realize that kids that age even KNEW those words). But, it ended up, that the parents cursed like that too, so the kids were mimicking their behavior.
Despite our complaints to the parents, nothing was ever done. They eventually moved out of the neighborhood to make ANOTHER neighborhood somewhere in the world miserable like they did us!
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 27, 2009 12:59 AM
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> The cursing, however, does bother me. I realize
> that in a moment of anger, people slip and drop the F
> bomb. But, I would hope that Oliver does not continue
> to speak that way to his parents. IMO, that is
> pushing the envelope way too far. Once that gets
> started, and ignored by the parents, it's very hard
> to stop, totally uncalled for and the highest sign of
> disrespect. What he yells to his friends across the
> schoolyard has no place at home (parents who curse
> included). Well, those are my standards and maybe not
> necessarily shared by others.
>
> Oh lord! I laughed out loud when I read that. Of all
> the the ways that Oliver hurts and acts out, why
> would cursing even be a point of contention? The
> highest sign of disrespect??? Running out the room,
> running away from school! Please, act anyway you
> want, just don't curse - that's way beneath my
> standards as a parent.
>
> Big picture people, big picture!
Well, I can only speak from personal experience, and it's nothing to laugh about. My husband allowed my stepdaughter to call him by his first name...he cursed in front of her...by the time she was 13 we had a real mess on our hands. I tried to undo some of the damage but it was too late and she still curses at him (she's 23 and he's 57). She just didn't run from school...she ran from home, became an addict, burglarized our house, etc and wound up with a felony on her sheet. Nice kid!
She does not speak to me like that. All I'm saying is that when you allow the disrespect to get rolling, it never stops and just mushrooms. Why? Because the kid thinks you don't care enough to stop them. Did we see Bess or Luke talking that way to Oliver? I should hope not. Parents who blow off the seemingly little things reap hell later on. Oliver's acting out during that moment of anger was understandable, but later it will turn to abuse if not corrected.
I'll also add that when we had our child together, I was 41 and he was 42. I told him that a) she will NOT call you by your first name and b.) You are 42...time to grow up and stop cussing in front of kids (my oldest son included). He has shown a huge amount of restraint and we couldn't ask for a pleasanter teen to live with. So, maybe I was right. I surely know what DIDN'T work.
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"I know you think I'm a dirty chinchilla" - Lois - "Big Love"
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Edited by jolie10 at 05/26/2009 10:04 PM PDT
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Edited by jolie10 at 05/26/2009 10:35 PM PDT
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 26, 2009 12:07 PM
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Awww, didn't you just love that moment. I was so ready to see Oliver smile and the show just went off. I, of course cried for Oliver because I had never really seen him smile since I started watching the show but that was the magic key for me. I hope everything is going to be alright for Oliver and his mom. I believe that her working and providing for them is a good thing. The marriage didn't work out but nothing is guaranteed. Of course, I know Oliver wants his parents to be together. I also liked the advice he gave to Luke - Love him no matter what. That is what we parents should do when it comes to our kids. My 17 year old is acting like a 17 year old. He gets mad at me constantly and won't talk to me for a few days at a time. Yes, it hurts me but I told him regardless of what he does, says or how he acts towards me - I'm still going to love him , PERIOD.
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 26, 2009 1:08 AM
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I definitely chuckled at Oliver's outbrust last week. Finally he released some of his feelings. I don't approve of kids talking to their parents that way; but that family has a long way to go to heal their damaged relationship & Oliver's use of the f-word is at the bottom of the list of their concerns.
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Edited by Livelyone at 05/25/2009 10:13 PM PDT
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 26, 2009 12:51 AM
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I agree. Oliver is angry and has every right to feel that way. However, while he has a right to his feelings of anger he can't be allowed to dump boundaries and forget that "These are his parents". Regardless of their mistakes, and all parents make them, if Oliver is allowed to act out with no consequences, he'll just take it as more of they don't care. I loved the way Paul spoke to him this week. The cell call was priceless and Oliver's smile warmed my heart and it was just right. Great job Dr. Paul, love that show.
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 25, 2009 8:15 PM
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Oliver resonates with me because I'm currently going through a divorce. We have a young child. Ironically, she's a clinical psychologist.
Seeing Oliver's frustration, especially when Bess and Luke argue, makes it a little bit easier to resist the temptation to argue. My son is much younger than Oliver but would always start crying when we argued.
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 25, 2009 7:53 PM
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Well, yea...cursing at your parents isn't a particularly good thing to do...and it's great that your standards as a parent are higher than that, however...I believe one has to give respect if they want to receive it, and his parets have not given that too him
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 25, 2009 7:49 PM
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Just about everyone I know curses and they all do it front of their children, starting from a young age.
I"m not crazy about it......but the worst possible thing? Not a chance in hell...lol
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 25, 2009 5:54 PM
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The cursing, however, does bother me. I realize that in a moment of anger, people slip and drop the F bomb. But, I would hope that Oliver does not continue to speak that way to his parents. IMO, that is pushing the envelope way too far. Once that gets started, and ignored by the parents, it's very hard to stop, totally uncalled for and the highest sign of disrespect. What he yells to his friends across the schoolyard has no place at home (parents who curse included). Well, those are my standards and maybe not necessarily shared by others.
Oh lord! I laughed out loud when I read that. Of all the the ways that Oliver hurts and acts out, why would cursing even be a point of contention? The highest sign of disrespect??? Running out the room, running away from school! Please, act anyway you want, just don't curse - that's way beneath my standards as a parent.
Big picture people, big picture!
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 25, 2009 5:40 PM
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>
> Even though you don't want to hear young kids
> cursing, I did get a big kick out of Oliver cursing
> his parents out before he ran away.
I agree with you about these parents, especially Luke. He has some growing up to do himself.
The cursing, however, does bother me. I realize that in a moment of anger, people slip and drop the F bomb. But, I would hope that Oliver does not continue to speak that way to his parents. IMO, that is pushing the envelope way too far. Once that gets started, and ignored by the parents, it's very hard to stop, totally uncalled for and the highest sign of disrespect. What he yells to his friends across the schoolyard has no place at home (parents who curse included). Well, those are my standards and maybe not necessarily shared by others. If he had yelled, "I hate you guys!!" that would have been enough to crush the parents.
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"I know you think I'm a dirty chinchilla" - Lois - "Big Love"
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Re: Meet the New Patients: Oliver
May 21, 2009 11:20 PM
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It is nice to see how flexible and adaptable Paul is. He left his chair and positioned himself beside Oliver right after he set a boundary with the parents and their fighting. He sat on the floor with Oliver meeting him at his level. Then Paul chased after Oliver when Oliver ran outside the office. He then sat next to him on the swing and continued therapy where his client was. This is consistent with Paul accompanying April to the first chemotherapy appointment and visiting Walter in the hospital. Flexibility and appropriately attending to the needs of different clients and varying situations is the hallmark of an excellent therapist. For more examples from ?In Treatment,? showing Paul?s flexibility with boundaries, go to http://www.zurinstitute.com/intreatment_hbo.html
Ofer Zur, Ph.D.
http://www.zurinstitute.com
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