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As I approach the end of this unbelievable year, I realize with some certainty and a bit of nostalic sadness, that while I will always love Gabriel Byrne, I am not the giddy fan I was last spring. My desire for him no longer soars to Himalayan altitudes nor does the certainty of living without him plunge me hopelessy downward. This does not mean he is forgotten, far from it. He is the picture in my head, tucked away in a place of easy access. Like a mental Blarney Stone, I touch him for good luck or conjure his image whever I feel the urge. But I have worn this adoration down from jagged, unmanagable peaks to smooth and rounded hills. When I think of Gabriel Byrne now, I am Tuscany. I am sunny and green and undulating. But there are still times when he can surprise me, he sneaks past the castle guards and comes crashing through my mental wall, leaving a big clumsy Gabriel-Byrne-shaped hole where a smooth white surface used to be. There are still times when he floats like a ghost into my field of vision, head tilted, smile tilted, eyes like those cartoon poker-playing dogs, big and sad and heart wrenching. I can set him aside most days, but he will always haunt me just a bit, there will always be moments where I can get distracted and get lost meandering in thoughts of his secret, inexplicable appeal. After watching "Stories from Home", I feel sure I am having one of those moments right now. This movie has answered so many questions, not just about Gabriel Byrne, but about me as well. I do not mean this in an arrogant way. I do not mean to imply that I have the talent, the intelligence or the physical beauty of Mr. Byrne, but I see so many similarities between this man and myself and I bet I am not the only one on these threads to harbor thoughts like this. A long time ago, I said that I thought we were so attracted to him because we all wanted to be him, wanted to be beautiful and talented and special just like him. But now I think I may have been wrong. I suspect that many of us love him because we are like him already. We have always felt that somewhere underneath all that beauty, intelligence and talent, there lived a sad, mistreated, self-destructive, soul; a soul that lacked self-confidence, that felt like a failure in personal relationships, that tried to navigate the murky waters of depression by reaching again and again for a bottle. Like moths to a flame, we can't stop trying to get closer to it, we recognize it because we live it and when we see it wrapped in such a beautiful, perfect package, it makes us all feel better about ourselves. It validates our own shortcomings to see one so perfect being so damn imperfect. We ache to gather him in our arms and keep the bad things away from him because we know it is what we want most in the world for ourselves. Our empathy is real and it is visceral. We feel his pain and confusion firsthand and when our heart breaks for him, it is breaking for our own selves as well. He is a stranger to us, as we are to him, yet some of us secretly believe his is our reflection, our twin, and in another life, perhaps he could have been our best friend and soul mate. I can see that this melancholy angel has done it to me again. He has sucked me back under his spell with this brilliant documentary of his life. Strangely, by exposing his mistakes and admitting his cowardice, he has demonstrated his extreme bravery. I'll probably watch this movie many times before I can successfully put it aside. In the meantime, I have to get busy patching. I have a big hole in my wall that desperately needs repair. -- TouchedByThPoet http://sites.google.com/site/touchedbythpoet/Home
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(16 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 9:46 PM
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Well, I'm finally back on line (at home - not at work, thank God!). I was a mess of tears while watching Gabriel's documentary last night at the office, and now am a mess of tears, happiness, relief - just name it - after reading Touched's elegant post (and the beautiful replies). So, my words may sound hollow (I don't have the gift of great writing that a lot of you have), but it comes from the heart.
Honestly, I was anticipating this documentary with baited breath, but - until yesterday - I thought it was unattainable (sort of like the man himself). So when we all realized on these boards that we WERE able to watch it (and after the initial "shock"), I became a bit hesistant. Would we learn too much? Would he show us a side of himself that we really didn't WANT to see? Would the man that we've referred to as "MadHandsome" disappoint us in some way?
After watching "Stories from Home," I was left speechless. No, Gabriel Byrne is not some immortal God whom we all worship - he's a normal, beautiful human being, with all the "warts" that human beings have. And THAT's what makes him even more special. He has a perfectly normal house (although I would have liked to have seen it actually furnished - not flooded), he walks the streets of NYC like any one of us would, he goes to a corner barber shop (!), he has two beautiful children that he adores, and - at one point - he had a fabulous marriage to a woman he was madly in love with.
The review that was posted earlier (from an Irish newspaper?), I think, really missed the mark - other than the quote about Aine and her poodles, which was lovely! We've heard Gabriel talk about his films ad nauseum - there's a LOT of literature (both written and verbal) out there. This was a meant to be a PERSONAL piece - not a PROFESSIONAL one, and the film presented it beautifully. Also, I think the writer was a bit "peeved" regarding Gabriel's statement on Dublin - "going back" versus "making his own future." My Irish grandmother used to say "you can never go back - it will never be the same." I don't know if she was talking about going back to her homeland - Ireland - or just in general, but she got the point across.
Also, as Touched pointed out, we ladies of the thread not only worship Gabriel Byrne, the actor - but find our own qualities in the man himself. Yes, I can check off in my own life of most - if not all - of what he's gone through:
* Yes, I'm a bit of a loner. I'd rather be in a bookstore or a library than in a room full of people trying to be witty and entertaining.
* Yes, I want people to like me - even if I don't really "know" them. I want them to have a good "first" impression and I replay things in my head afterwards (i.e., why did I say this or that?).
* Yes, I suffer from depression and anxiety (depression's "evil twin") - for which I thankfully was diagnosed and am now on meds. There have definitely been "storms in my brain" throughout my lifetime that have lasted for minutes, hours or days (curled up in a ball is an accurate description). And alcohol - while not at the level of his - sometimes played a role.
* Yes, I've had failed relationships (not a marriage) where we still remained friends - but I still bemone the fact that I in some way failed the other person (even though there were two in the relationship).
Basically, I think all of us came together on this board for the original purpose of swooning over Gabriel Byrne. And while I will still swoon (especially when he smiles - something that literally lights up his face), I will admire him even more - not just as an actor, but as a man, and a very human one at that.
Also, if he's responsible for me reading great literature and finding my Irish roots, then more power to him. I think someone posted a "what if" of his - and our - future lives. That we ALL stay together - even after IT is no longer on the air - and that we continue to try to meet up each year (if it's at the Irish Gala in NYC or somewhere else), and that he is a friend to us, as we are to him, and nothing more.
I think, perhaps, that would be the greatest gift of all - that we could give to him - and to one another. That 2008 was the "end" of one phase of our lives, and that late 2008 - and onwards into 2009 - is a new beginning.
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(15 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 9:12 PM
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Ladies, I am in no way near as eloquent as you are........your words are profound.
I understand what Touched said about bravery. There are some things that just cannot be shared. There are things that are locked away, and the key long ago thrown away. That is what I understood from Touched's post. For GB to show himself in this way, is true bravery. I cannot imagine, and I almost cringe at the thought, of telling the entire world some of my most painful moments.
He is remarkable. And I am truly amazed by him.
P.S........I haven't even seen the documentary yet!!! So, I'm really just going on what all of you have said about it!!! I may be out of commission......whenever I do see it........I'll need my support system, I'm afraid.
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(14 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 8:27 PM
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It's interesting, Touched, but I see nothing but bravery in your thread narratives and subsequent postings. Often, your willingness to express your innermost thoughts and feelings in connection with Gabriel Byrne are the most poignant displays of bravery.
What you've poured out onto these threads over the past months have been filled with risk....the risk of judgment, the risk of backlash, the risk of ridicule, the risk of shame....yet with each successive narrative from your soul, various members of this forum community have been empowered to identify with your sentiments or found strength to come forward and share their own versions of Gabriel Byrne fascination.
Such transparency always has at its root a solid core of bravery and strength.
I remember my days as a lurker, reading the witty and candid postings here, eager to discover any juicy morsels of backstory to help me construct a portrait of the amazing Mr. Gabriel Byrne. Your postings consistently resonated with a unique mix of humor and longing and intellectual curiosity and, yes, bravery. Ultimately, one of your postings drew me out of the lurking shadows to come forward and participate in the community, and I said as much in my initial postings back in July.
So, I thank you for being who you are....for surviving whatever challenges you've faced through your life that brought you to this place at this time to post on this forum which enabled me to enjoy being a part of what we all share on these threads. I'm confident that I am not alone in these sentiments, but even if I were, my sense of joy about it all would not be any less.
What I do know is this: through the right pairs of eyes, you are magnificently pretty and inordinately intelligent and remarkably outstanding and overwhelmingly great in relationships and infectiously funny and delightfully charming and incredibly generous and inexpressibly....more than ENOUGH.
Gabriel Byrne had the courage to own his truth and honestly reveal who he is as a man. That bravery suggests that he has tremendously maximized his manhood such that one can now say, "Oh, OK Gabriel, I see YOU, and thank you for setting the tone for the level of honesty upon which you expect to interact with me." I can see, Touched, that this documentary appears to be a watershed moment for you, and that again, you have been touched by the poet. In his courage, you have found more of your own. Bravo!!
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(13 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 8:09 PM
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Like everyone else there have been many thoughts circling my mind since seeing the documentary in its entirety. As concerning GJB, by making himself out to be so ordinary and flawed he actually becomes very extraordinary. And it seems his battles are not over. At one point he said he has learned not to care what other people think but a few minutes later he admitted how important it was to him. Another feeling I had was that we were only given a few illustrations of how deep his pain has run. I feel pretty sure that there are other examples that would shock us but that he didn't feel comfortable sharing them. There were some topics that were obvious in their absence such his human rights efforts and the abusive situations he has endured.
I appreciate your honesty and bravery, Touched. You have spoken truth. I admit that I feel like I feel like I understand him and maybe even share a kinship with him. Maybe it's because I too have known unspeakable agony in life, broken up by amazing opportunities and moments of laughter and peace. I understand what it feels like to be in such pain that vomiting and drinking at the same time makes sense, although I've never done that. I understand uniquely the desire to curl up in a ball in the corner of the room, how difficult it is to give when one's own well is empty, and of the strain of being in social gatherings when sometimes in reality you would rather be getting a root canal. Many of his words rang bells that are hidden deep in my heart.
There is something that I hope happens for him as a result of his openness in this documentary. Up until now when people have expressed interest, admiration and affection for him he has downplayed it. He could tell himself that these people didn't really know him. Maybe he even told himself that if they knew the real Gabriel that they would re-evaluate their positions. But now he has reconciled his private self and his public self. I hope the reward for his honesty is an outpouring of love and compassion, a respect and understanding of his limitations, and an admiration that he can no longer downplay.
May he take into his heart and keep there the expressions of admiration, appreciation and love that are now given him. May he see himself as we see him.
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(12 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 6:22 PM
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> I'm curious, in what specific ways do you see
> yourself as similar to GB?
Lots of ways...I was hoping to keep it vague
I am a bit of a loner like him.
I am not that confortable in my own skin and neither is he. I never think I am pretty enough or talented enough or successful enough and I dont think he does either...its a self confidence thing.
Like him, I want a relationship, like him I have failed at a marriage, like him I am no longer 'in love with" my ex but I still get sad thinking about how two people that cared so much for each other could grow apart. Like him, I think its tarnished my belief in marriage for good.
I could go on but I'm not ready to make my own documentary yet, I'm not that comfortable with standing naked in front of the world... so I wont. Unlike Gabe, I am not brave.
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TouchedByThPoet
http://sites.google.com/site/touchedbythpoet/Home
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(11 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 3:13 PM
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> This movie has answered so many questions, not just
> about Gabriel Byrne, but about me as well. I do not
> mean this in an arrogant way. I do not mean to imply
> that I have the talent, the intelligence or the
> physical beauty of Mr. Byrne, but I see so many
> similarities between this man and myself and I bet I
> am not the only one on these threads to harbor
> thoughts like this. A long time ago, I said that I
> thought we were so attracted to him because we all
> wanted to be him, wanted to be beautiful and talented
> and special just like him. But now I think I may
> have been wrong. I suspect that many of us love him
> because we are like him already.
Since viewing Stories From Home yesterday, I have been thinking the exact same thing. The reason I have developed such an interest in Gabriel Byrne is because we are kindred spirits. The documentary showed me that we are even more alike than I had suspected.
I'm curious, in what specific ways do you see yourself as similar to GB?
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(10 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 12:14 PM
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I suspect that many of us love him because we are like him already. We have always felt that somewhere underneath all that beauty, intelligence and talent, there lived a sad, mistreated, self-destructive, soul; a soul that lacked self-confidence, that felt like a failure in personal relationships, that tried to navigate the murky waters of depression by reaching again and again for a bottle. Like moths to a flame, we can't stop trying to get closer to it, we recognize it because we live it and when we see it wrapped in such a beautiful, perfect package, it makes us all feel better about ourselves. It validates our own shortcomings to see one so perfect being so damn imperfect.
Ditto, I'm not a celebrity, nor am I creative in any way, but I do share his innermost feelings 100 times over.
He is, after all, just like most of us, wondering how to get through with all our inadequacies and quirks...I respect him even more now.
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(9 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 9:32 AM
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And loving his imperfections as i do, perhaps it's a
good idea to love my own a bit more!
Now there's a thought.
Well said, MissPDX, well said............
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(8 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 6:58 AM
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Gabriel Byrne is just amazing.....i could hardly draw breath in case i missed anything,then i watched it again.....He is without a doubt ,a beautiful ,beautiful soul....
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(7 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 13, 2008 12:58 AM
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Well said Touched.
I think we all see a bit of ourselves in him, albeit served up in a more glamorous package; there is recognition there. I just really think his humanity comes through (maybe that"s the mojo behind the eyes!) and mirrors us. Grabs us.
I admire so much his willingness to reveal himself so matter of factly. Not dramatizing, romanticizing or even judging, just voicing his oh-so-human struggles. He does not buy into or hide behind the artifice of Celebrity,
it is just a bi-product of being successful at his job and comes with it's own perks and problems.
And loving his imperfections as i do, perhaps it's a good idea to love my own a bit more!
Now there's a thought.
2008 will go down as the GB year in my own little story of my life. I will never forget calling in the cable company to install on Easter sunday in a panic that I would miss a Laura episode airing the next day. I will never forget the shear giddy girlie joy of feeling my heart bust out of my chest when I looked up and saw Him, completely mad handsome walking in to that Gala. I was fifteen years old that moment. Fifteen rocks, and I am actively seeking more highs, and I thank him for that. I thank him for bringing together some very cool women here on the boards especially.
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(6 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 12, 2008 11:40 PM
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> Like I said on the other thread (bear with me
> repeating myself) but for the longest time my > fantasy meeting with him was really just having > the opportunity to spend a day or even a couple
> of hours with him just talking about life in
> general. After watching Stories from Home, I feel
> like I came as close as I ever will to that
> opportunity.
Yes Ali, I agree wholeheartedly and have said so on many many threads myself. More than anything, I would love to sit down and just talk with him and know his thoughts and feelings on so many things and with this movie, I get that wish...or at least, I get close to it. I get to hear him discuss simple concepts, love, death, loss, fame, confidence, sorrow....so much. Its as close as most of us will ever get and it is a gift. It is a gift.
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TouchedByThPoet
http://sites.google.com/site/touchedbythpoet/Home
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Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 12, 2008 11:32 PM
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After I saw the film last night I thought the same thing you did Touched. I felt that there were so many similarities between him and me...the way we view life and let the world affect us. I have felt that all along, reading the few articles where he would reveal bits and pieces of his thoughts. The shyness, the uncertainty, the lack of confidence and yes, even the bouts of depression. Our actual lives are very different, but I found myself nodding in agreement with so many things that he said... understanding completely where he was coming from.
I was afraid to express it here for fear that others would misinterpret what I was saying and think I too was being arrogant. So thank you Touched for expressing it so well. And I suspect you are right about others on this forum feeling the same way.
I too have settled into a different zone when it comes to him. And while a certain picture and even some of the scenes in the documentary can still make my heart flutter and say "oh my God, he's beautiful" just with a facial expression or the intensity of his eyes, I no longer have the school girl crush I had last winter. I just really like him and admire him as a person. The fact that he is handsome besides is just a bonus now. At this point, even if he looked like a troll, I would still like and admire him.
Like I said on the other thread (bear with me repeating myself) but for the longest time my fantasy meeting with him was really just having the opportunity to spend a day or even a couple of hours with him just talking about life in general. After watching Stories from Home, I feel like I came as close as I ever will to that opportunity.
So I will continue to watch his movies and IT and root for him to win the awards I feel he so deserves, but for me this documentary was the culmination of the fantasy.
I no longer have the "byrneing" need to learn more and more about him.
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Edited by alithecat at 12/12/2008 8:33 PM PST
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(4 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 12, 2008 10:45 PM
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Touched, once again you've put the thoughts so many of us share so beautifully in words. You've captured it.
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(3 of 77)
Re: Thoughts on Gabriel and his "Stories From Home"
Dec 12, 2008 9:59 PM
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Touched, again, you have described this, whatever this is that we are all going through, to a 'T'. Perfect. Amazing.
I cannot wait to see this video. It probably will hurt, but it will be worth it. He is an amazing individual. As the people on these threads are.........we are not in his league by any means.......but we 'get' him. And, that is why we are here.
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> Ladies, I am in no way near as eloquent as you 
